"Everybody involved with The Blair Witch Project -- too much hype for a piece-of-junk movie!"
"Mayor Giuliani of New York. I get irritated by the amount of control he attempts to exert on the lives of New Yorkers. Some should enjoy their vices, and have every right to."
Shopping-Cart Search-and-Retrieval Squad, Big Lots
"O.J. Simpson -- yeah, a lump of coal, if he's guilty. I don't understand coal. What is it, a punishment for being bad? That's kind of heavy. It's Christmas; you have to think about one thing: We don't want an evil Christmas. Even though O.J. Simpson may deserve a lump of coal in his stocking, we don't want an evil Christmas."
Freeman Bosley Jr.
Attorney at Law, Caldwell, Hughes & Singleton
"Paul Tagliabue, because he gave us so much hell when we were trying to get a football team, said St. Louis wasn't a football town. But now, he may want to do a little backpedaling -- I mean, we're going to the Super Bowl, aren't we?"
Clamshell Matron, Cabana Tan
"Besides my brother, I would say every last one of my former roommates."
Bartender, Famous Bar
"Bill, Monica and Linda, for having put the public through that sordid drama which had nothing to do with the running of a country."