Bass Guitar, Racketbox
"I like harmless tricks, where the humor isn't extracted at the expense of belittling your fellow man -- most humor is and sometimes I laugh at it, but if you have to hurt one person to make another one smile, that's not a real good equation."
Organizer, Cardinals' World Series Victory Parade
"I love to play tricks on people! For instance, I hate cigarette smoke and my sister always comes over and smokes, so one time I took a load -- this little bitty thing like a cap -- and I put it in her cigarette. Heh, heh. Oh, it scared the crap out of her when it exploded: 'What the hell's wrong with this cigarette?' She had little tobacco shreds all over her shirt. She still smokes like a fiend, but not in my house."
Host, Groin-Pull Roundup -- K-JOCK SportsTalk (109.9 FM)
"Walking down the street, I pull my buddy's pants down -- those pants hangin' low already! Then I turn away like I didn't do it. Next time he'll know to wear a belt."
"We wait for a guy to pass out and shave his eyebrows. If we have lipstick we put lipstick on him, eye shadow, all that stuff, make him look nice and pretty. And pictures -- pictures are important to show him later on or to send to his girlfriend."
Personal Assistant to Al Franken/Events Coordinator, Left Bank Books
"When I'm on my bike I like to scare the bejesus out of pedestrians. I'll ride by somebody at, like, twenty miles per hour, right by them and watch them jump out of their pants. Rode up on this one guy -- schooop! Rang the bell really loud. He had something in his hands that he threw up. It's kinda mean, but I do it just because I think people in cars don't give bike riders any respect so I try to get back at them whenever I can."