Sexy Mexy
Dear Wab: Abso-pinche-lutely. The bigger the sombrero, the wabbier the man, is a commandment all Mexicans learn from the Virgin of Guadalupe. But seriously, Mexican clothes correspond to social and economic statussweaty T-shirt indicates laborer, calf-length skirts means a proper Mexican woman, and if a cobbler used the hide of an endangered reptile to fashion your cowboy boots, you're probably a drug dealer or a Texan. The guayabera (a loose-fitting, pleated shirt common in the Mexican coastal state of Veracruz and other tropical regions of Latin America) also announces something about its owner: the gey is hot and wants to look sharp. Why the hate, Sexy? Remember what Andy Warhol said: Nothing is more bourgeois than to be afraid to look bourgeois. Who cares if people mistake you for a waiter if you sport a guayabera? Just spit in their soup. And who cares if Mexican university students call me, you or any guayabera wearer a naco (Mexico City slang for a bumpkin)? They can't be that smart if they're still in Mexico.
Dear Mexican: My girls and I work at a Mexican restaurant, and the Mexican cooks are so infatuated with the Mexican Sandwich. Is this a cultural practice for all horny amigos?
From the Curious Center of the Mexican Sandwich
Dear Gabacha: This column has discussed many of the Mexican males courting rituals, from lecherous whistles to stares that can bore through underwire bras and the ever-romantic slap on the ass. But few gestures are more revered amongst Mexican men than the torta, what you call the Mexican Sandwich. Two hombres grab an unsuspecting mujer — preferably a gabacha — and proceed to bump and grind her la Will Ferrell and Chris Kattans Night at the Roxbury skit on Saturday Night Live. Instant torta! Sexual harassment? Por supuesto — damn straight. But dont call HR just yet, ladies. Consider this: being in the center of a torta is a profoundly powerful experience, and the best sexual harassment youll ever experience. The Mexicans involved will only bandy you around like a pinball — ask them to stop, and they will. If you want the torta to reach the next level — say, a squirt of mayonnaise — the decision is yours, chula. And if you dont enjoy tortas? Chuy gets a one-way bus ride to Mexico.
