News » News Stories

The Head Of A Hyena

(Delmar Lounge, The Loop)


"What are her dimensions?" the single one asks, then adds, "Needs to be a 34B."

The married one had just offered to introduce him to one of his wife's single friends. "I'm sorry I brought it up," the married one says.

"I'm just asking what she looks like."

"You're starting to sound like a pig."

"Well, what are her intellectual interests, then?" the single one asks facetiously. "Does she like Nietzsche, or is she more of a Kierkegaard kind of girl? I'm trying not to be a dog."

"But you are a dog."

"Why is it a crime to inquire about whether she's cute or not?"

"Well, that's one thing, but when you start asking her bra size it sounds bad."

"Why am I constantly judged on my wealth and earning potential?"

"Who's judging you for that?"

"Every time I go out, the first questions I'm asked by girls is what is my job and where do I live. I'm judged on looks, height and wealth. No matter how PC you are about sexism, you will always be a male pig. That is, unless you get a sex-change operation. Then you might be accepted by women as being truly enlightened," he says. "But it isn't guaranteed."

The married one's mind flashes to a snippet from a song:

Worshiping a god with the body of a woman well-endowed

And the head of a hyena

Happy not to be among that anymore. Grateful, even.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.