Waitress, Breakfast, Lunch & Blues Hockey
"Yes, by my son and my daughter ... well, not at the same time. And my son, who was 5 at the time and 21 now, he tells me he still remembers: 'You tried to tell me you were just scratching his back.' Just make sure you have good locks on your doors -- and I didn't."
"Yes, about 25 years ago -- and I was arrested. At first I thought it was a joke, some guy with a cop fetish. We were in the woods when he walks up, very laid-back, and says: 'You'll have to come with me.' But he didn't know where he was going, because he stopped, looked around and said, 'Oh shit, how do we get out of here?' I had to help him find his way to the squad car so he could book me."
Honorary Mascot, Washington University Lady Bears Basketball Team
"Yes, I have, by a 4-year-old intruder. As soon as she walked in, of course, we stopped. I was completely naked, and she looked down at me and pointed and said, 'Ewwww, that's gross!' I said, 'That's not gross -- Mommy loves it!'"
Host, Do You Want to Be on the IRS Audit List?
"I went to see my girlfriend in Northern California, and she liked to do blowjobs on the beach. But it was crowded that day, and every time somebody'd walk up on us, I made her stop. That night, same beach, we were at it again, and here comes this couple walking up, and I didn't stop her. I never stopped her again."
"At 20, I was dating a guy whose parents didn't understand or approve of his lifestyle. One night I stayed over, and his mom found me with him and sort of flipped out. She tried to get us out of bed by making it while we were still in it. As weird as it was, that situation was ultimately a good thing: It opened the door for him to have better dialogue with his parents. Life goes on, even when lovers get caught in the act."
Bartender, Big Daddy's
"Yes, once in high school I was caught in the theater department with a known thespian."