Best Place To Meet New Friends You Won't Invite Over For Dinner

Colony Theater

This is a character bar, both in terms of décor and denizens. Yes, it's a tad expensive for a place with a gravel parking lot and siding that belongs on a barn. No, you can't get beer in a bottle -- this is a cans-only place -- and there's always a cover charge, which varies with the day of the week and includes admission to the grainiest pornographic movies of all time playing on four screens (and you can smoke while you watch, regardless of what the Washington Park fire code may or may not say). There are aquariums filled with colorful tropical fish, and these barroom fishtanks appear much cleaner than the restrooms, which never seem to have doors that close all the way and would only sustain life in microbial form. Consider the tired-eyed truckers sipping Bud while stealing glances at Ron Jeremy and Nina Hartley doing their mid-'80s thing on the television in the middle of the room, lit equally by the aquariums and an extensive collection of kitschy lights along the lines of lightning-in-a-glass-sphere and other assorted baubles that debuted at Sharper Image and can now be had at most any Wal-Mart. Porn is in the open, but leisurely pursuits such as billiards and darts are reserved for a section in back, nearly out of sight, as if a game of pool was somehow something naughty. The bartenders are invariably friendly and efficient. This is a bizarre place and not for everybody. But given the right frame of mind (drunk) and about $20, it's a great dive if you want to take a walk on -- or at least a peek at -- the wild side.
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