Best Place to Have Sex in Public

Anywhere in Jefferson County -- as long as you're not gay

Yes, under the Arch is exciting, especially with a full moon. Our sources say home plate at Busch Stadium is unforgettable, but that doesn't really count because you can't do it during games.

These places have one big downside, however. You could get arrested. But in Jefferson County, prosecutors can't quite figure out what to do with folks caught doing the nasty where anyone with a hankering is free to watch.

Take the case of Award Video, where six men caught allegedly having sexual contact with each other in a porn store were charged with sexual misconduct. However, a woman who police said had sex with four of those same guys walked free. Prosecutors say they couldn't charge her with anything because the law says you must be in a position to offend someone before you've committed a crime -- hardly the case in a porno shop. However, the law, prosecutors say, doesn't apply the same standard to people who have sex with members of their own gender, even in the privacy of their own bedrooms. No matter where it happens, gay sex is a misdemeanor in Missouri.

The head spins with possibilities.

Why not open a full-blown sex theater in downtown Hillsboro? So long as the gay element can be kept out, exhibitionists from across the nation would presumably be free to do each other right under the noses of the police. Or how about opening a Hooters Plus, for the discriminating diner who demands extra commitment from the serving staff? The only problem are those nasty gay people. They'd just come in and ruin it for everybody.

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