Best Place to Get Arrested

Francis Park

Francis Park, when it's deserted early in the morning, and the sun's shining golden, and life seems as simple and serene as the long lily-pond promenade -- until helmeted "Officer Kiwi" pedals up on his bicycle and threatens you with a $100 ticket, grim as Sgt. Friday busting a drug dealer. "That pug's off lead," he exclaims, shocked that someone with no tattoos and no priors would even consider such villainy. The law-abiding residents of St. Louis Hills sleep soundly at night because of Kiwi (who, his real name being long and Polish, actually likes the fruity epithet).
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