Is Bob Evans your favorite restaurant? Doesn't matter; it's not about you. It's about Grandpa. It's maybe not even his favorite restaurant, but here are the secrets that make it his favorite place to eat:

Is Bob Evans your favorite restaurant? Doesn’t matter; it’s not about you. It’s about Grandpa. It’s maybe not even his favorite restaurant, but here are the secrets that make it his favorite place to eat:

1. Consistency. It’s pancakes and eggs, kid. They sometimes change the pictures on the menu, but that’s what it is. (Grandpa’s having soup.)

2. Quality. Again: pancakes and eggs. Hard to screw that up, and when it’s done right, there’s nothing better.

3. Speed of service. What, people want to wait around for their food? Also: Grandpa likes to flirt with the waitress.

4. Proper coffee temperature. Grandpa doesn’t give a crap about your organic this and your fair trade that. Is it hot enough? It’s hot enough.

5. Acoustics. Everyplace else is so loud that conversation is impossible no matter how high Gramps cranks his hearing aid.

So there you have it. Bob Evans, five for five on the Gramp-O-Meter. Live it up, kid.