"You know these people with the really high IQs? It was one of those guys, and he worked for the Marine Corps in a computer room, and he ended up getting fired because he farted too much -- which I didn't know was possible."
Where Were We Before We Were Conceived?
Music Major, Webster University
"I imagine this big waiting room -- clean, almost sterile, with fluorescent ceiling lights -- and everybody's got a number. And when two people 'merge,' as we call it in philosophy, some nurse calls your number and out you go."
Does Every True Friendship Have to Pass Some Sort of Test?
Benton Park Brahmin
"Yeah, the test is, they have to do what I want when I say I want it, or they can blow me! And they'd better have some good herb."
What Would Happen if the Earth Suddenly Began Rotating in the Opposite Direction?
"We'd probably just go floating off into space somewhere. At the very least, things'd be all messed up; maybe things even reverse themselves -- all the crackheads would become lawyers and doctors and all the millionaires become broke sonsabitches like me!"
Public Displays of Affection: Turn-On or Turn-Off?
Manager, Altered Skates
"I like to yell at people when they're doing that, and the chance to yell at people is always a turn-on!"
What Is the Most Addictive Legal Substance?
Artistic Director, That Uppity Theater Company
"The taste of one's lover is incredibly addictive. It's the primary difference between lovers and friends -- I don't go around licking my friends."