St. Louis is super-smoking hot in August. But guess what: So is every other city not bordering the Arctic Circle. Why on earth would a person abandon one sweltering climate in favor of another? It makes no sense. Sure, you could escape to San Francisco, a cosmopolitan, oceanside city where the weather is perpetually mild -- except in August, when it's generally en fuego. Instead, escape to San Francisco in early June, when it's chilly and St. Louis is unseasonably sticky! That makes way more sense, brobrecito! Rest assured, your wile will be matched by the idiocy of scores of St. Louisans who haven't clued themselves into this logic. The city will be yours. Windsurf the Mississippi, streak through Soulard, hastily form a Neil Diamond cover band to play a Hot August Nights run of shows at the Way Out, or negotiate your own cover charge with bouncers at the hottest clubs -- all of which will be empty in August. The city is your oyster. Besides, August is the last month to catch the Cardinals before they call up the B-squad from Memphis in an attempt to let the Cubs and Astros chip into their twenty-game Labor Day lead in the NL Central. You sure won't experience that in San Fran.