Best Local Girl Made Good

Kimora Lee Simmons

WHEREAS bitches the world over were put on notice eight times in a Vanity Fair interview that she will "beat a bitch's ass"; and
WHEREAS the St. Louis native was well on the path to superstardom when, at the tender age of thirteen, she served as muse to whip-thin fashion guru Karl Lagerfeld; and
WHEREAS she and legendary husband Russell (Def Jam) Simmons live on the cutting edge of a new hip-hop high society; and
WHEREAS the six-foot-tall African-American/Japanese-American stunner has been called "the new establishment" in an increasingly multiracial nation; and
WHEREAS Forbes ranked her 91st on their "Celebrity 100 List," well below Oprah, J-Lo and the Olsen twins but above Tyra Banks and that skinny bitch Kate Moss; and
WHEREAS she still gives a little love to her hometown once in a while -- like showing up downtown at Plush to celebrate her 30th birthday sporting the designer purse for which she'd just ponied up $52,000 at a charity auction hosted by Nelly; and
WHEREAS the roles she's tackled so far include model, mother, perfumer, fashion designer (she sold her Baby Phat label for an estimated $30 million last year), philanthropist (the target of cheers and jeers for her $75,000 gift to Harvey Milk School for gay and lesbian high schoolers, to support kids "who are naturally fashionable"), socialite and First Lady of Hip Hop; and
WHEREAS ain't no such thing as bad publicity;
BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED that Kimora Lee Simmons is 2005's Best Local Girl Made Good.
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