Best (Hypothetical) Place to Quarantine

Big Eli Ferris Wheel

Staff Pick

2020 has been the year of staying the heck away from people. The Big Eli Ferris Wheel on the rooftop of the City Museum would provide a nice daytime view as well as the solace of being alone during a time when old white women named Karen are still refusing to wear a mask for “medical exemptions.” It’s the perfect spot to hibernate and not leave until the Trump administration politicizes a global pandemic with a vaccine right before the presidential election. Getting tired of the Ferris wheel would not be a problem, either. The rooftop also has a school bus that would be a nice, cozy spot for the occasional nap. — Matt Woods

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