Is there anything worse than an object that fails to deliver on its only promise, that is a liar by its very existence? Anything more frustrating than a water tease when you're hot and thirsty, anything sadder than a lukewarm travesty that sputters forth dribble? No. In Hell, there will be many, many drinking fountains, but all of them will suck. In Heaven, however, all the fountains will resemble the one at the US Bank on Big Bend. It's a Halsey-Taylor, of course -- as connoisseurs know, all great fountains are -- and is a wall-mount (as opposed to the more majestic pedestal fountains). As such, it's unassuming; it looks like your basic H-T Double Bubbler (patented two-spigot water delivery system). But when the button is pressed, rejoice, angels, because what pours forth is a monstrous arc of aqua, as stately as our Arch, and colder and crisper than any other fountain in the area. And we've tried them all.