Best Comeback

Dunkin' Donuts

[THE SCENE: A school lunchroom. A Krispy Kreme doughnut and a LaMar's doughnut share a table, where they munch cafeteria food. A Dunkin' Donuts doughnut enters with a tray and looks around for a place to sit.]

KRISPY KREME: So check out the new girl. [Gestures to Dunkin doughnut]

LAMARS: Yeah, I know. Can you believe it? Shes been gone ten whole years and thinks she can just waltz right back in and pick up like nothing ever happened!

KRISPY KREME: No joke. Does she even realize that what used to make her popular is so pass? Food-minimalism is so 2005. Chocolate-frosted cake donuts? Snore. Sugar-crusted French crullers? Bo-ring. Jelly-filled treats? Saccharine. And ugh, Boston kreme? She cant even spell!

LAMARS: Uh, neither can you.

KRISPY KREME: [Glares] Whatever. I just think people are excited because of nostalgia, not reality. Nobody wants hot coffee in Styrofoam cups or gigantic iced coffees. They want schmancy drinks with fancy names. And I mean, DD is still selling doughnut holes! Even saying it makes me feel like a perv

DUNKIN DONUTS: [Approaches table with hesitation] Hey guys, can I sit here?

KRISPY KREME and LAMARS: [In unison] Sure! Hey! Welcome back! Hows it going so far?

DUNKIN DONUTS: Its so weird! I mean, everybody has been so supportive! Lines out the door, positive press. Were already back in the airport and looking to add more stores! Im so thankful and happy. How are things with you guys?

KRISPY KREME and LAMARS: [Chastened] Um, business has never been better! Yeah, thats right. Booming!

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