Best Cardinals Rump

Albert Pujols

We freely admit it: Our seats at Cardinals games are always down the third-base line because it affords the best view of Mr. Albert Pujols' seat. When he raises that stick over his beautiful head and dips his knees fixin' to clout, we fervently pray to Paul Lynde that the team tailor performed a subpar job on Mr. Albert's inseam. The way his thighs and netherparts swell against the gabardine, oh, we just, oh, my oh my! Excuse us, we caught a touch of the vapors there, thinking about the possibility of another kind of breakout season. Cross your fingers for a triple, so Mr. Albert has to stop at third. We do so enjoy doubling our pleasure with a side-by-side comparison of Mr. Albert's assets with Mr. José Oquendo's. You can keep your infield and your outfield; we're fixated on baseball's best backfield.
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