Amateur porn sucks. Someone had to say it. A decade-plus of Internet porn — free or almost free, easily accessible from the privacy of your own home, of seemingly infinite variety — has convinced some viewers that lumpy, pimpled everyday Janes and Joes are just as sexy as the stars of the adult-film business. But it's just not true. For the good stuff, the Jenna Hazes and the slick Wicked productions and the reliable work of Hustler and that old poon-and-ass hound Rocco Siffredi, you need the adult-video store. They don't come any better than Spankys Video, which is clean, bright and organized for the connoisseur by production company, star and fetish. (Not a connoisseur? Don't worry. The cover of each DVD makes the subject of each movie more than apparent.) You do have to pay a price — most newer titles will run you about $40 — but it's worth it for the hard bodies and actual, you know, production values. And if you don't want to rid Internet porn from your life entirely, never fear: A wide selection of Internet-legend Bang Bros titles are available.