Beat Happenings

This year's St. Louis Mardi Gras theme is "The Small Screen." With that in mind, Beat Happenings has some TV-character suggestions for the goings-on ... Michael Knight: Jump in your talking car and head to Casa Loma Ballroom (3354 Iowa Avenue; 314-664-8000 or www.casalomaballroom.com) for the Mystic Knights of the Purple Haze Ball. At 8 p.m. Friday, February 24, fight crime to the tunes of Chubby Carrier and the Bayou Swamp Band. You can also gorge on some food, but keep in mind your next gig will be Baywatch. 21+. $20 cash ... Karen Walker: Grace Adler's office is on Lafayette Street, so it'll be easy to impersonate her alcoholic assistant at Lafayette Pub and Grill (1551 South Seventh Street; 314-241-1004), which starts off Saturday, February 25, with kegs 'n' eggs at seven — yes, in the morning. After you've downed eight Hurricanes, pop a few Vicodin and flash your breasts at stilt-walkers, midgets and DJs. And hey — try to get some beads while you're at it ... Joey Gladstone: Cut! It! Out! Slide on your jams, and dust off Mr. Woodchuck! It's time to make him karaoke to "Knock on Wood" at Gladstone's (1800 South Tenth Street; 314-231-6339) on Friday, February 24, at 9 p.m. Then on Saturday, February 25, bring Uncle Jesse to jam with Casual Labor at 2 p.m. and Catfish Willie at 7 p.m. Then after you're sufficiently drunk on Tuesday, February 28, you can let Danny break out his leather jacket and request "My Generation" when Chicago Bob takes the stage at 7 p.m. ... Joanie Cunningham: Where better to harbor an undying love for Chachi than at Joanie's Pizzeria (2101 Menard Street; 314-865-1994) on Saturday, February 25? A heated tent is steamy and brimmin' with Cajun eats, Mardi Gras drinks and a DJ for $100. Once love is in full bloom, go back at 7 p.m. on Tuesday, February 28, for some sweet Oliver Johnson serenadin' ... Pat from SNL: Dress ambiguously and refuse to commit to one restroom at Sheldon Concert Hall (3648 Washington Boulevard; 314-533-9900, www.sheldonconcerthall.org) on Tuesday, February 28. At 10 a.m. definitively male pianist Pat Joyce and trumpeter Bob Ceccarini celebrate Mardi Gras with a New Orleans-style jazz performance. A $10 includes coffee and pastries. ¡Viva TV!