News » News Stories

A Lesson in Assault Rifles, Part 2

(backstage at a wrestling match, South Broadway Athletic Club)

by

comment
Through another doorway -- let's call it a stage entrance -- draped over with a plastic curtain, one of the costumed men returned from the ring looking like a punchy superhero or Punchinello in a serious mood. Upon getting the gist of the young man's soliloquy, he immediately contradicted him, resolutely declaring the Russian-made AK-47 the most superior weapon ever manufactured.

Not much argument from anyone, once Panama and Nicaragua and a few other blurry, war-torn locales were invoked in that knowing way that implied this new arrival had seen the weapon's effectiveness up-close and not just on television. In fact, he had seen, as a demonstration, an AK-47 that had been dipped in a barrel of mud and refuse, smacked against concrete, trampled and left buried in the dirt for just under a decade -- and it still shot true. No fuckin' shit? Yes fuckin' shit! The hammer was still accurate and the calibrators were still in order and the Hooligan-brand bullets were as clean as if they'd just been taken out of their airtight, velvet-lined box. The only thing that came even close to the AK-47 was the 2.7 caliber super-automatic Something-Or-Other, but we didn't get into that because just then a muffled wail of boos arose from somewhere beyond the plastic curtain.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.