If you awoke this morning to find yourself in bed thinking about transforming your terrible ex into a monstrous insect, then it's your lucky day — specifically, Valentine's Day.
To be clear, it's still impossible to go full Gregor Samsa
on whoever has done you wrong. But this year, the Sophia M. Sachs Butterfly House in Chesterfield is offering possibly the next best thing by naming a cockroach after that "not so special" someone.
The transformation comes through the magic of the Cameo app, where users can pay celebrities for bespoke dedication videos. In this case, the deal is $25 for a video dedication featuring real-life cockroaches who serve as stand-ins for the targets of your righteous ire.
"Life isn’t always butterflies and rainbows," the Butterfly House writes in the intro to its Cameo offer
. "If you know someone dealing with a not-so-special person in their life tell us about them and we’ll cheer them up and name a roach in their pest’s dishonor."
Still, the presumption that this is a gift to someone else arguably undervalues the ritual as a vehicle for self-care: Sure, it might not be as satisfying as the real thing, but, along with benefiting the Butterfly House, the chance to watch a three-minute video of someone finally putting your roachified ex in their place, or berating your worst boss, or telling a six-legged Stan Kroenke that, actually, he's the one who lags
— that's the kind of perfectly Kafkaesque closure we all deserve in 2021.
Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at @D_Towski. E-mail the author at Danny.Wicentowski@RiverfrontTimes.com
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