SCREENSHOT FROM THE VIDEO BELOW
Stealing a motorcycle, step one: Learn to ride a motorcycle, ya dummy.
Pro tip for any would-be motorcycles thieves out there: If you're going to smash your way into a dealership in the dead of night and steal a bike, it would be wise to have an idea how to start it.
It's a lesson one bumbling idiot learned the hard way this week. Early Tuesday morning Gold Star Harley-Davidson in Festus was the scene of a smash-and-grab burglary. Three suspects wearing motorcycle helmets approached the store around 3:20 a.m., according to time-stamped surveillance video Gold Star would later share on Facebook
, and broke out the front door with a rock.
Once the group gained entry, the video shows two of the suspects quickly moving though the dealership while the third kicks down the remains of the door, clearing the way for the bikes to roll right out of the building. Two of the thieves each quickly fire up a bike and are on their way.
The total time that pair was in the store: a scant 40 seconds. So far, so smooth.
Then it's our hapless idiot's time to shine. The failed thief spends some time trying out various motorcycles in the showroom, hopping from one to the other, but he's unable to get any of them running. His accomplices' success surely indicate that this should be an easy enough task, yet instead of a clean getaway we're treated to the sight of an utterly inept criminal completely failing to crime.
As the clock keeps ticking, stretching to the two-minute mark, our local moron decides it's time to bail. He flees the store empty-handed and on foot. We're sure his buddies are still ribbing him for it.
In a press release, the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department says it has detectives on the case, but no suspects have yet been identified. They ask anyone with information about the case to call their Detective Bureau at 636-797-5515.
And when the law does finally catch up to them, you can bet all three will be looking at burglary charges — not just the successful ones. Just as ignorance of the law is no excuse, being too plum stupid to successfully steal the thing you're attempting to steal doesn't do you too many favors in the criminal justice system either.
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