In the six months since Donald Trump came to Missouri and made some wholly inscrutable remarks about an unpassable "bowling ball test"
in Japan for American-made cars, some local lunatic has apparently decided to make the (completely fictional) trials real.
Fox 2 reports
that two motorists in south St. Louis county have had their cars struck by bowling balls in recent months, with the possibility that there is a third victim as well.
The most recent incident occurred Friday night, when a woman named Teresa Seavy was driving home from her brother's house.
Seavy says she was traveling north on Tesson Ferry towards I-270 when a man stepped into the road and rolled a bowling ball directly at her car.
“At first you don’t even know something like that, someone would think about that to do," she tells Fox 2
. "And it bounced along under my car and I kept driving, it went ka-thunk ka-thunk."
Seavy reasoned that the man was trying to get her to pull over so that he could carjack the vehicle (though it seems like a poor plan to potentially disable a car you'd need to drive away to steal). Instead of stopping, Seavy says she kept going. Her car was damaged, but she was unharmed.
Then on Monday, a worker at her doctor's office heard her story and said someone had come in recently with a similar tale.
“She had a patient that early yesterday morning that told the same story,” Seavy says. “Same location.”
And that's in addition to what happened to Treff LaPlant back in June. LaPlant says he was traveling south on I-55 near Mattis Road when another traveler threw a bowling ball out his window, smashing LaPlant's windshield and causing $6,000 in damages.
“It was pretty scary," he says. "The impact from it was very forceful."
LaPlant suffered cuts on his arm from the broken glass. He says he filed a police report, but has heard of no arrests. Seavy says she intends to file a report as well. (Worth noting: LaPlant's assailant had North Carolina plates. Can we blame this unfortunate trend on tourists, maybe?)
Both bowling ball victims say they wanted to share their stories to encourage motorists in the St. Louis area to keep an eye out.
“Kind of crazy what’s going through somebody’s mind that would want to commit something like that,” LaPlant tells Fox 2
It just goes to show: We Americans don't need the Japanese to test if our cars are bowling-ball-proof. We can attend to those tests ourselves.
And we can attest that they are, in fact, not.