Do I loathe Ken Bone or pity him?
There's a part of me that questions his Midwestern earnestness in all of his cable-knit, pleated khaki, Groom & Clean slicked side-part glory. Can this guy be real? Maybe he came to the debate
as a caricature of a wide-eyed, overgrown schoolboy with the express purpose of trolling us, and now he's preparing to fill his Re-Bath glazed tub with an influx of cash from all the Putnam Ford and Imo’s Pizza endorsements ready to start rolling in. Just look at the way he’s making the rounds on every television show that will have him. Mark my words: This self-admitted Trump-leaner going into the debate will have his own brand of cardigans just in time for the holidays. Sound like anyone you know?
Then again, maybe he's a Putin plant, sent to distract us from Pussygate. The sweater is blazing commie red, after all.
But most likely, Ken Bone is just a guy with dated fashion sense and questionable facial hair choices who go caught up in nothing more than another way for East Coasters to make fun of middle America. And it's not funny.
From this vantage point, I can't loathe K-Bone's cashing in. How can you blame him? After all, he’s doing nothing more than victims of bullying have done for time immemorial: trying to make the best of a bad situation.
See, we’re all not really
heart-warmed by the sweet one of Shiloh. We’re laughing at him. Witnessing the Ken Bone phenomenon explode, I couldn’t help feeling like I was back in high school, watching as the jocks mocked and name-called those on the outside, who then felt they had no choice but to laugh back with them. Hey, it’s better than being beaten up.
And who are the cool kids this time? None other than the media elites who swooped into town looking for yet another way to make fun of our flyover city. The entire Ken Bone affair reeks of East Coast elitism. “Aww, look at that quaint little Midwesterner with his cute vest and pants that are just a half-inch too short. And his disposable camera? Precious.”
I'm not the only one getting this distinct vibe.
But it still hasn't stopped everyone locally from trying desperately to grab onto Bone's coattails. Look at Mike Bush interviewing him on KSDK. Look at the Post-Dispatch
asking him to get into a car with the Two Bens
, all in the dubious service of promoting the Paul Cerame Automotive Group. Look at St. Louis Magazine
trotting out a "hometown pride" listicle
. Guys, this whole fifteen minutes of fame thing? It's already basically over.
And good riddance. Everyone squealing and pretending to just adore
the guy is patronizing. It's nothing more than another irony-filled chance for the country’s coastal sophisticate to look down their nose at middle America, this time via some unassuming dude in a cardigan.
Is Ken Bone in on the joke, or the butt of it? I don't know, but I do know this: The Midwest is not so backward that we can't see the difference between Trump and Hillary, and we are certainly more than an Internet meme in its dorky red sweater. So stop laughing at us already — or we might have to grab you by the bone.
See also: The Best Signs, Styles and Weirdos Outside the Wash U Presidential Debate