Cedar Creek Homes. Columbia's destination for badly conceived advertising.
A Columbia business owner has created a breathtakingly dumb radio ad that attempts (badly) to satirize the University of Missouri protests. Impressively, the ad manages to be creepy and clumsily sexist even while featuring the phrase, "I'm starving for men all across Missouri."
The ad (which you can listen to here
), comes courtesy of Bryan Crump, owner of Cedar Creek Homes, a Columbia-based company that sells manufactured and modular homes with pricing that "puts the competition on edge!" Damn, that's some spicy ad copy!
And that's the kind of the marketing know-how that resulted in a 57-second ad that begins with Crump musing about the latest events in Mizzou.
"So I'm still trying to digest it all, but it appears to me that if I was to go on a hunger strike, I can crush universities, and football programs will stop doing what they are being paid to do," Crump says, boiling down months of protests and the concerns of black students
into a single, petulant sentence.
But the masterpiece of marketing isn't done. Because this is the point where Crump's errant wit transitions from hilarious sulking
to hilarious sexism.
"Effective immediately," he continues, "I will not eat after supper every night, all the way until breakfast the next morning, unless my wife meets my demands. I know this is drastic, and I'm scared of what this could do to my health, the popcorn industry and possibly the dairy farms from lower ice cream sales. But I must do this for all mankind. I'm starving for men all across Missouri."
Having dropped the bon mot of the century, Crump invites listeners to stop by the store to view his wares and to check on the condition of this funny man who who probably should have run this idea past a few more people before blasting it over the online airwaves.
"Not only is Cedar Creek Homes recognized as a leader in manufactured housing, but now I will be leading a whole new way of life for men in negotiating with their wives," Crump concludes. "Maybe I can get the football team to boycott with me."
Yeah, good luck with that.
Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at @D_Towski. E-mail the author at Danny.Wicentowski@RiverfrontTimes.com