Dumbest Study Ever: Smiles, Hipster Mustaches Make St. Louis Happiest City in America


Smile larger, damn it, we're No. 1! - RIVERFRONT TIMES
  • Riverfront Times
  • Smile larger, damn it, we're No. 1!

St. Louis has been named America's happiest city, and the reason why is so idiotic that it's making us furious.

Jetpac City Guides, developers of a travel app launched today, analyzed 100 million photos for four key signs of happiness: smiles, hipster mustaches, bright lipstick and blue skies.

(No, really. Hipster mustaches. Because SCIENCE.)

See also: St. Louis Named Number One Most Deadly Place to Live in America

  • Jetpac

"It turns out, of all the cities in America, St. Louis smiles the most and the biggest," Jetpack writes on the company blog. "That news is exciting enough to turn the famous Gateway Arch frown upside down."

The study seems to be based on a premise so faulty an elementary school science student could spot it: People smiling for photos is finite proof of happiness. The super-scientific method grades smiles by their size on a scale of 0 to 100. Just a smirk? Ten points. Full blown grin? One hundred points!

Special hipster extras earn St. Louis bonus points:

  • Jetpac

Jetpac looked specifically for photos posted to Instagram showing groups of smiling faces to prove the town is "popular with hipsters," one of their ultimate signs of a happy city.

Suspiciously, Missouri sweeps the happiness competition, with St. Louis and Kansas City landing at spots Nos. 1 and 2.

Sunny vacation destinations California and Hawaii don't even make the top 25. Seattle, Washington, known for instilling residents with a deep sense of depression through almost-constant drizzle, ranks at No. 26.

Anaheim, California -- home of Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth -- ranks dead last.

So far, we've only found one plausible (and adorable) theory as to how St. Louis ranked so high:

Continue reading for the full list.

  • Jetpac

Follow Lindsay Toler on Twitter at @StLouisLindsay. E-mail the author at Lindsay.Toler@RiverfrontTimes.com.

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