"The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was."
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
"There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him-early."
"To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology."
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country."