The bearded bandit has cursed the redbirds
Around midday on Friday, some hipster-looking douche with dark blazer, big glasses and a beard walked into the First Bank at 3850 Jeffco Boulevard
He slipped the teller a note demanding money, showed no weapon and made off with an undisclosed amount of coin.
On the way out, he yelled, "Go Cards!"
Since that moment, the Cardinals have not won a game. Coincidence?
No. It's bad karma. And a curse.
This crook committed a serious crime, invoked the name of the Cardinals and now -- instead of an air of inevitability -- our hometown heroes are plunged into uncertainty, having only scored one run in the last two games.
To counteract it, you must invoke the Cardinals -- TODAY -- while performing some generous act of charity, like smiling at a homeless person or picking up a Riverfront Times. You might not like it. But we need to bring the moral scales of the universe back into balance.
We need this win tonight.