Wasted Dude in Columbia Ends Up on Roof; Nobody Can Figure Out How


Michante Varner may've started in a wolfpack, but he ended up as a wolfpack of one. - IMAGE VIA
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  • Michante Varner may've started in a wolfpack, but he ended up as a wolfpack of one.
Daily RFT knows how it feels to get cross-eyed, pants-pooping wasted in Columbia. We're not proud of it, but yeah, we've been there.

However, we have never been woken up by the cops on the roof of a three-story building with absolutely no explanation.

When police arrived at 821 E. Walnut in downtown Columbia around 9 am on Tuesday, they found 20-year-old Michante Varner still snoozing.

According to the story in The Columbia Daily Tribune,
Varner told police he had injured his ankle the day before and decided to sleep on the roof instead of attempting to walk. But he also told police he could not recall how he got on the roof in the first place.
Priceless. And here's where the plot thickened:
Entry to the apartment building is secured by password, leaving officers uncertain about how Varner accessed the rooftop.... Evidence of forced entry was not found.
Our guess: He is a superhero. Well no. That's insane. He does not fly. He sleeps. But even though he's not a superhero, he's our hero.

Cheers, Michante. May your life continue its upward trajectory.


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