Matt Conty acts like Jose Oquendo; doesn't really look like him.
With a dry and nasal delivery, Matt Conty
tends to saunter through his material, tossing in ironic urban lingo like a gifted-but-bored ESPN anchor.
But while he's all nonchalance on stage, fuck with him at your peril. He relishes the chance to veer off-script, and his insults are viper-quick.
In addition, the 35-year-old Conty has become something of a Jose Oquendo
in the St. Louis comedy scene. He does it all, from emceeing and featuring, to organizing his own monthly show
at Brennan's, to blogging, to coaching newbies on how to improve.
He'll be opening for Louis Katz
tonight through Sunday at the Funnybone in Westport Plaza
. Daily RFT: On your bustling new blog, Wtfatherhood, you've dialed in 106 posts of at least 1,000 words over the last four months alone. Are you trying to win a contest?Matt Conty
: I think a book deal, or a writing job, like yours, would be a short term
goal. Now I am thinking about how I can get you fired.
No, but your diligence is impressive. Is there some other blogger you're trying to emulate?
Greatful Dead. Not the insane amount of coke or heroin, or 48-minute
songs, or hummus. But they created their own market without a lot of
industry influence, and I want to use this blog to create my own
audience. Ideally, I could book some more unique venues based on
readership of my blog in a certain area, without mainstream credits.Has the writing affected your comedy?
it forces me to write about mundane shit, and try and think of a funny
angle on it. And I was having problems getting material stage-ready, so
this helps....I think. Maybe not. Honestly, I'm just waiting for
Twitter to raise its character limit to 3,000, instead of 140. I will
be a fucking king when that happens.
It's called "Wtfatherhood," but sometimes you write about other stuff, such as "the urban rednecks" in your 'hood.
The logo of Conty's blog.
neighborhood we live in, people are always like, 'Ah, it's all ghetto.'
What they really mean is, 'There are a lot of black people down there.'
But the problem on our block - there's no black people, it's
just these two ex-hookers and their mulleted-out boyfriends. God bless
these guys, they're the most forgiving guys in the world, dating two
We hear these guys outside every night. "You're a
ten-dollar whore!" You know? Like, that's why he doesn't like her.
Because she's the cheapest
prostitute on the street. Do you interact?
because we have three dogs. And they love the hookers' house because
it's full of weird smells and used stuff, you know. Like corks. "Lady
It's a dog paradise. Every time we
open the door, they run over there and sniff like there's a line of
doggy coke, they can't get enough.
And the hookers have a dog,
that poor thing. It got in a fight with our dogs. So the other lady that
lives in there - she's not a hooker, she's like their aunt or something
-- she approached me one day and was like, 'Your dogs attacked our dog.
What are you going to do about it?' Like she was trying to get cash out
of us on the street.
So we took her dog to our vet. And the vet
didn't see how our little Boston terriers could've put that wound on
its head. The vet said the real problems were that it had fleas and its
hair was just falling out. Such a great neighborhood. And you brought a child into that world.
Yeah! She's learning how to be 'street.' How to be 'real.' So how is it, being a dad?
Matt rocks the mic, y'all
what I know. Nobody gives a shit about your kid. My daughter is
beautiful. But you haven't met her, and you don't care. You're not
losing any sleep over it, right?
You've probably said to a
parent, 'You have the cutest baby ever,' while in your head, you're
thinking, 'What is that thing? That's not a cute baby.' But people say
that to us and I'm like, 'You know what? You're right. You've got a good
head on your shoulders. She IS a good-looking kid.' Is she causing you problems crying at night and keeping you up?
the hookers? Well, there's been three nights when we thought, 'What the
hell is wrong with you.' It's horrible. And you resent the kid. It's
like, 'What do you want? There's nothing else to give you.'
Do you know what a colicky baby is? Is that when they have a lot of gas in their tummies?
No one knows, it just means, 'My baby is psycho and cries all the time, and we're hollow shells of what we once were.'
you ever see a couple and they look like ghosts, and their
conversations are like, 'Fuck you.' 'Fuck you, too.' 'Fine, I'll change
her.' That means they have a colicky baby. That's the definition. Well. Congratulations.
Thanks. But no, I love it. I absolutely love it. What's your day job, by the way?
work for a medical device company. It's a real small start-up, so I've
been comptroller, I was financial manager. I actually have a finance
But eventually we got to the point where we didn't want
the comptroller on the road four nights a week, cranking out dick jokes.
So they put me into operations.