Totally Uncreative Would-be Kidnapper Actually Asks Kid if He'd "Like Some Candy"

by

comment
The tired tools of yesteryear's kidnappers, which apparently some still find effective - IMAGE VIA
  • Image via
  • The tired tools of yesteryear's kidnappers, which apparently some still find effective
Wow, THAT'S all you got, you pathetic cliché of a slimeball?

From KTVI Fox2now (Channel 2): Yesterday morning just before 9 a.m., a little boy scurried inside Avery Elementary School with something urgent to report to teachers: a silver four-door car had just driven by, and a dark-haired and bearded white man inside asked him if he wanted some candy.

The kid wasn't hurt, and the principal warned all the parents, and everything's fine yah yah yah but WAIT A MINUTE. Do you want some candy?

You are effing kidding me.

Congrats, rook: You have somehow managed to debase even further the reputation of unshaven kidnappers everywhere. Question 1: Is there a way you could've put in less effort in plying your trade? Question 2: Maybe you just had the Monday "blahs"? Question 3: Has that approach worked for you before, ever? If so, was it after 1957?

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.