VIDEO: Albert Pujols Given Key to Unlock Every Door in St. Louis, The Onion Reports

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St. Louis has gone to desperate measures to keep Albert Pujols playing for the Cardinals, according to The Onion Sports Network.

That's right. At a recent news conference, St. Louis Mayor Frank Worrell (who?) gave the slugger a key to unlock every door in the region (and the right to use and possess everything he finds behind those doors) so long as he returns to the Redbirds.


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