by Aimee Levitt
Lord knows you must have had an incredibly long night by the time you and your friend got to the Waffle House at 6:15 a.m. The general manager says the three of you looked pretty wasted. It's totally understandable that you'd want those scattered, smothered and covered hash browns. They are awesome! It's not quite as understandable how the three of you managed to run up a bill of $39.31 -- at a Waffle House.
But anyway. Maybe you didn't have the cash to cover the check. It happens. Maybe you just "forgot" to pay. Dining-and-dashing is really a schmuck move. But here's a tip for you: If you are going to do it, don't leave your purses behind!
It's also probably a good idea to drive a car less distinctive than a gold Mitsubishi.
And then one of you went back for the purses! Good grief, woman, what the hell were you thinking? And you got offended when the manager told you he would give the purses back once the police arrive?
Here's one thing you both did right, if you want to get away with this: Even though the police have gone through both bags and know exactly who you are (and also that you visited another Waffle House in Arkansas and presumably kept the check stub as a souvenir), you have not gone back.
This probably means you are both driving without a license and will be in big trouble if you get pulled over. But hey. You got to eat at the Waffle House for free. Congratulations!