"If I was a musician, I'd be Kanye West. If I was in the NBA, I'd be Ron Artest. In baseball, they've got Milton Bradley. I'm that guy. You need people like me, so you can point your finger and go, 'There goes the bad guy.'"
I'll say this for Milton: he's always good for a laugh.
First off, I just have to ask: who gets ejected from a spring training game? Seriously. Who the hell does that sort of thing? The first thing that came to my mind when I read that was it's like premature ejaculation, but I don't think that's even quite right. After all, we're talking about practice here. (Thank you once again, Mr. Iverson.) Getting thrown out of a game in the third inning, that's a lot like the dreaded Quick-Draw Syndrome. You get tossed in the third, there's still six innings to be played, someone else has to man your spot, and no one's even going to remember you got run by the end of the game.
So I guess getting ejected in spring training is sort of like, um, premature ejaculation when you're by yourself? Hmm. Yeah, that sounds about right. You come home from work on a Friday night, tired from a long week, flip on the pay-per-view menu, order up something nice, and settle in for a nice, long, relaxing wank. Then suddenly, boom! It's over. Now you're left with 77 minutes of a dirty movie you don't need and a tee shirt that needs to be washed. And guess what? No matter how much you call the cable company, they will NOT give you a refund, even just on the part of the movie you didn't watch! It's completely asinine! I don't need the rest of it, why am I paying for it? Huh? Why, Charter?!
Wait. What the hell was I talking about?
Oh, yes. Milton Bradley. I will say he and Kanye West do share at least one thing in common: both are quite good at what they do, and I don't want to hear from either of them outside of that. At all. At. All. Yet much like Kanye West, Milton just can't seem to ever shut the hell up.
Here's the thing: Milton Bradley is actually a pretty good baseball player. It's really a shame, in a way, that no one will ever remember him for anything but being a complete headcase. I will say this: I'm really sad he isn't going to be a Cub this season. I figure one more year of him in the Wrigley outfield just might have brought the whole place down in flames.