American Mustache Institute Announces New Position on Beards. Unreal Announces New Position on American Mustache Institute.


Today the St. Louis-based American Mustache Institute (AMI) announced "a new position on beards." Entitled "A Reexamination of the Beard," the manifesto has the institute abandoning its prior dismissal of beards as "a spousal compromise" in favor of beard-embracing inclusiveness for the new decade.

To wit:

I believe the beard to represent an equal level of facial hair commitment, strength, and power as does the sexually adventuresome Mustached American lifestyle. 

Accordingly, today St. Louis-based Unreal announces "a new position on the American Mustache Institute":

The AMI are a bunch of hipster apologists, and Unreal invites them to lick the goatse. They flipflop on beards and pretend that it's the result of "deeper thought." Horseshit. Their chins are cold now that the temperature has dropped to the low teens: This new position is the result of deep freeze, not deep thought.

We find it laughable that they now crawl to their bearded overlords with hats in hand, while we all know that the majority of the AMI continue to shave their balls. It is to laugh. Also, until the AMI is willing to close down Mouthbrowschwitz, its so-called "mustache re-education camp," they remain the enemy.

Unreal eagerly awaits the day we will oil our beard with your entrails, you Burt Reynolds manqués. 

And yes, that's goatse, not goatee, philistine. Google it.

Source for beard illustration:

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