December 15 Last Day To Buy Intergalactic Property Before Christmas!


  • Stew Smith
Attention Earthlings: Is there really any better way to let your loved ones know how much you care than by buying them a piece of intergalactic property? The Lunar Embassy is currently selling one-acre parcels of land on the moon with prime Earth views, for the super-low price of $19.99, plus shipping and handling and a one-time-only lunar tax of $1.51. And if you get your order in by tomorrow, December 15, your loved one will receive his or her very own lunar deed, printed on fake parchment, suitable for framing, in time for Christmas!

What is the Lunar Embassy? you ask. Why, it's a division of the Galactic Government, of course! And it's the only entity legally entitled to sell intergalactic property. All the rest of those intergalactic real estate offers on the Web? They're just scam artists. The Lunar Embassy is the real thing. The sovereignty of the Galactic Government has even by verified by United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton! Well, at least according to a press release Unreal received this morning from Dr. Dennis Hope, president of the Galactic Government and author of its 100-page constitution.

After skimming this document and the rest of the Lunar Embassy's website, Unreal is totally convinced of the veracity of the Galactic Government and is thrilled that it has established diplomatic relations with the U.S. State Department.

Hope has the authority to sell the moon because In 1980, he went to his local government office for claims registry (which happened to be the San Francisco County seat) and staked his claim to the entire lunar surface, plus the rest of the solar system except for the Earth and the sun.

The Galactic Galaxy is not without a sense of humor. As they write on their website:
The Galactic Government plans to expand to start selling the entire universe (there is a physics-related joke about expanding matter in there somewhere) except for the Jupiterian moon of Europa in honor of science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke who wrote in his novel 2010: Odyssey 2 (yes, the sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey): "All these worlds are yours to study. Except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together, use them in peace."

Other caveats: The NASA landing sites are not for sale and if NASA wants to do something like shoot a rocket into your property to kick up a big cloud of lunar dust that they can search for particles of water vapor -- well, they can. Which is kind of unfortunate, but it's not like you'd get a chance to visit anyway, even if you book a flight on Virgin Galactic, Richard Branson's latest plot to get even richer by shooting millionaires into space.
Joe Edwards at the opening of the Moonrise Hotel. - NICK LUCCHESI
  • Nick Lucchesi
  • Joe Edwards at the opening of the Moonrise Hotel.
The more we read about the Galactic Government and the Lunar Embassy, the more we started thinking about St. Louis. (It happens.) It turns out that the model of the moon atop the Moonrise Hotel in the Delmar Loop is the largest in the world. What if they started selling off parcels of model moon, too? What a great holiday gift that would be!

So we called down to the Moonrise and talked to a nice young man named Mark at the front desk. Are they selling off parcels of their moon? "Boy, we currently are not!" he said pleasantly. He also informed us that the model moon is the property of Joe Edwards, who one might call the Dennis Hope of the Delmar Loop, only Joe Edwards commissioned his moon specially.

Sigh. Another dream gone.

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