Say What? Santa Claus is Texting? Pity the Poor Tot Sans Cellphone!


Can't you hear the conversation already?

Kid: Mommy, mommy, Santa texted me!!

Parent: Wow, sweetie, how neat! That Santa Claus, he's so stupid-cool.

Kid: Do you think Santa will tweet me, too? I wanna be his friend on Facebook! 

Parent: Hmm, I don't know if the elves have rigged up Santa's broadband service yet, sugar. Maybe we can send Santa an e-mail and see if he writes back. 

(Inner bitch-slap. Repeat inner bitch-slap. Wonder how much that'll cost us.) 

At least the texting's for a good cause. Per a press release from the March of Dimes and the St. Charles company, Anchor Mobile, the merry "elves" behind this service:

Elves in Santa's research department have noted that nine million children between the ages of eight and 12 own cell phones. Santa decided that cell phones are a great opportunity to spread Christmas cheer. 

For $5.49, adults can have the three messages sent to a child. $1 from each transaction will be donated to March of Dimes. The child's data will be protected by data encryption and used only for the one-way contact from Santa as purchased and approved by parents. Information will then be destroyed immediately by elves in Santa's shredding department. Standard text messaging rates apply.

Maybe next year Santa will bring cell phones to the millions of poor tots without them.


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