Lawmaker Wants to Rub Out Prosthetic Penises


When it comes to HB1280, law is sausage.
  • When it comes to HB1280, law is sausage.
Missouri state representative Jeff Roorda (D-Barnhardt) isn't a total stiff. He doesn't find much humor in plastic penises but acknowledges that the apparatuses occasionally serve a legitimate purpose.

"There's no good reason to have one -- maybe for Halloween or bar tricks," concedes Roorda to the Associated Press.

Bar tricks?

Last week Roorda introduced legislation he promises to be hard on criminals -- really hard -- by toughening Missouri's penalties for people who cheat on drug and alcohol tests.

Roorda's bill (HB 1280) makes it a felony for using any chemical kits or devices (such as the infamous Whizzinator) for the purpose of falsifying a drug or alcohol test. The bill also makes it a misdemeanor to sell or possess a chemical kit for falsifying such tests.

The good news? It's still legal to have prosthetic genitalia so long as you're not using it to cheat on a drug exam. Using it for Halloween -- or just clowning around -- is still perfectly legal.