Last week Unreal revisited
our favorite local sex blogger, The Beautiful Kind
, a 36-year-old divorced mom who was recently ranked #5 on a fellow sex blogger's list of the 100 best on the Internet.
As she prepared to launch a newly redesigned website, we caught up with TBK for a little e-mail Q & A:Unreal: Most folks don't share details of their bedroom behaviors (much less their dining-room-table, abandoned-factory or low-rent-east-side-prostitution-shack ones). Sooooo...what possesses you to?
The Beautiful Kind: A wise professor once told me, "It's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done." I've taken his words to heart. My goal is to live a rich and beautiful life. I don't do boring. I put it all out there because I'm passionate about being open and honest -- I figure if I use myself as an example, it will encourage others to acknowledge their inner pervert. I want to inspire everyone to work the kinks OUT.
Your site doesn't feature advertising. Does the blog bring in bucks? Anywhere approaching enough to support your devil-may-care lifestyle?
The blog doesn't bring in bucks -- yet. I've been going at it for three-plus years now. I have an underground following and keep hoping to break through the barrier that is separating me from 25,000 unique visitors a month to 100,000-plus. I have an awesome design because I have an awesome designer who believes in my mission so much that he's investing a lot of time and talent into TBK -- I'm hoping to someday pay him back for all his hard work.
I do have a "donate" button on the blog for those I help out -- I get about ten e-mails a day from people all over the world asking for advice on everything under the sun. Some I feature on the site, others I help privately. Sometimes they'll gush with gratitude, "I don't know how to thank you for helping me with ___." Well, you can thank me by giving me $5.
I scrape by -- I never know how I'll pay next month's mortgage; lack of money is my only stress. But I enjoy my freedom, which is priceless. So many people put themselves in self-imposed cages -- they stay in loveless marriages, they work in a boring cubicle.... They are like zoo animals -- they are safe from predators and know where their next meal is coming from, but they are DEADLY BORED. The thing is, zoo animals have no choice in their fate, and human animals do.
"Sex consulting services"? For the uninitiated among us, what're those?
Like I said, I help dozens of people every month with their problems, but it's not easy to answer complicated issues via e-mail, so I offer in-person or phone consultation for $60 an hour. I assist people with their relationship and sex issues, or help them realize a fantasy. I am a great resource for all things sexual -- if I don't have the answer, I have a fabulous network I can tap into. I get questions ranging from "What local bakery will make a penis shaped cake?" to "Where can I find someone who will throw up on me?"
I don't have a degree, which is why I call myself a "consultant" (conslutant?) and not a therapist. I am absolutely a sexpert; my website is my vita. Did you know that there is only ONE licensed sex therapist in St. Louis? And this is the town where Masters & Johnson originated! Some people don't want to talk to a professional about their personal issues -- they want an approachable, open-minded regular person who can offer them REAL advice. I've had people who've met with me once or twice tell me they got more accomplished with me than they did with weeks of sessions with a licensed clinical psychologist.
So you invite clients to tell you their deepest darkest secrets and then, it appears, you blab 'em on your blog -- are they OK with that?
I never post photos or names of people without their permission. Everyone featured is anonymous, with an alias. Most people LOVE being featured on my site -- I am a conduit for them to share their stories with others -- they feel validated when they read the supportive comments from my readers. It's a great community -- a safe haven for perverts.
What's the big hangup about sex, anyway?
THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW! You know one thing that really separates human animals from other animals? We don't have sex in public. We're ashamed of it, we drape our bodies with coverings (clothes). Don't even get me started with the mass phobia surrounding the female nipple. All my international readers (20 percent) chuckle over the uptight attitudes of my U.S. readers (80 percent). Our country is so conflicted -- I tend to think Americans are very conservative, and then I'll catch something on TV and am amazed at how raunchy it is, complete trash. I'm practically embarrassed to see what's on TV, that's why I don't have one.
Who's your biggest hero?
"Well-behaved women rarely make history." I love Annie Sprinkle, Belladonna, Tristan Taormino, Nina Hartley and Susie Bright. I love women who show off their cervix on stage or celebrate anal fisting. I also have a nonsexual crush on John Waters
-- he is all about rejoicing in filth, trash and shock culture. And I love Jane Goodall and Mister Rogers -- they are two of the best people ever to grace this planet. They epitomize empathy and peace and realize that love is the most important thing in the world.
Where'd you grow up? What got you from there to here?
I grew up in Creve Coeur and have lived in just about every area in St. Louis since my parents kicked me out at the age of eighteen. I don't know why I'm so progressive -- my mom and two sisters are all traditionally monogamous-minded. So are my dad and two brothers, for that matter. I am out to them, they accept me for the most part, though they often unfriend or unfollow me on Facebook
when things get a little too interesting.
The appeal of ribbed condoms. Discuss.
Completely superfluous, a marketing gimmick. Women cannot feel the ribs. I had one guy friend tell me, "I'm going to wear ribbed condoms inside out so they're for MY pleasure." Very funny, playa. Now ribs and bumps on glass dildos -- THAT'S some worthwhile sensation.
Neil Diamond, Neil Young or Neil Patrick Harris?
Neil Young. Every time I hear that "Harvest Moon" song, I imagine two courting mice on a little raft gently drifting down a moonlit stream.
TBK 3.0 launches this week. I eschew silly sex-blog trends like "Half Naked Thursday." I'm writing an e-book called The Book of Goddess: Elevating Your Desirability to Mythic Proportions. Tip for men: Women don't appreciate random cock shots. Tip for women: If you wear tights all day and have a date that night, wash your vagina.