Unreal loves a business trip as much as anybody. Oh, the fun we've had on long drives out to the O'Fallons, Lake of the Ozarks and Ste. Genevieve! The best part, though, comes after we get home, when that little expense check magically shows up in our pigeonhole. How wonderful life would be, we've often thought, if we could just disappear for a few days and then get that expense check without, you know, actually doing any work. Daily life, especially in these times, does get expensive and a little extra cash is always welcome.
Then we heard about the Maloney & Porcelli Expense Report Generator
. Through the magic of the Internet, it makes a full expense report for you, with receipts and everything, that you can just send to your accounts person.
Eagerly, we decided to try it out. Three hundred twenty bucks and thirty-eight cents sounded like a reasonable expense check for the strenuous business of sitting at home in our underwear watching daytime TV.
This is what we got:
Wow, we thought, this totally looks legitimate!
And then we took a closer look.
First problem: Every damned thing seems to be in New York City.
I [Heart] New York? A New York taxicab? Yeah, that's great unless you, say, work at a newspaper that covers St. Louis.
Then there are the office supplies.
Unreal is, we must confess, a bit of a fiend for office supplies. There are times when we really need a whiff from a bottle of Wite-Out to get us through the day. Still, we're sure somebody in accounts would find our purported need for 37 two-packs of corrective fluid ($86.67) a bit excessive.
It appears that Maloney & Porcelli is an actual restaurant. You can make a reservation
there and everything. Of course, it's in friggin' New York, which automatically makes it a bit suspicious, even if it were to show up on a St. Louisan's fake expense report, which it doesn't.
This just proves one of our longstanding theories: You really can't stick it to the Man. You really can't.