Lesson 1: The thing on the left is a football.
Football is a really, really hard game to understand and guys just hate
it when you interrupt and ask them to explain stuff. They hate it even more than when you walk in front of the TV during an important play or don't bring them their beer the minute
they ask for it.
Well, thank God for the St. Louis Rams
! On Monday night, September 21, for the fifth year in a row, they'll be sponsoring a seminar called Football University
to teach the ladies all about their super-complex game. How very civic-minded of them. (Their civic-mindedness may not extend to actually winning, but hey.) About 500 women are scheduled to show up at the Russell Training Center, says Molly Higgins, the Rams' vice president of corporate communications.
"We're doing it earlier this year," she says, "so the ladies can watch and enjoy games throughout the season."
So what kind of knowledge can a lady pick up at Football U?
"It covers a variety of things," says Higgins. "It's a fun and instructional evening. We'll
give the ladies an overview of the business side of the game, like
signing players and contracts and free agency. Jim Anderson, the head
trainer, will talk about injuries and Todd Hewitt, the equipment
manager, will let a few of the ladies dress up in a uniform so they can
feel what it's like. I'm not sure if that includes cups. It depends on
how much fun we're having."
Team captains Will Witherspoon and Josh Brown and eight to ten of their teammates will be on hand to answer questions.
"One of the highlights of last year was when the players sat on stools for a Q&A," Higgins reminisces. "The question that brought the house down was when someone asked Chris Long if he wore boxers or briefs. He said, 'I go commando.' You can imagine the squeals."
What about men with defective Y chromosomes who have somehow lack an inherent knowledge of football?
"We allow men," Higgins says. "We do have a couple of men in attendance every year. But we find women prefer to learn about the game in a safe environment."
Lest you think the Rams' motives are totally altruistic, Higgins admits, "Women are an emerging demographic as we continue to try to draw devoted fans."
You don't say.