If you haven't heard the "schmooze" yet, Martin Duggan, the host of KETC's Donnybrook, plans to retire in December.
The 88-year-old Duggan has served as "provocateur" (host) of the Thursday evening talk show since its first airing in 1987.
In a previous lifetime, Duggan was editorial page editor for the now-defunct St. Louis Globe-Democrat. In recent years on Donnybrook, Duggan can often be seen jarring awake from a cat nap to yell: "Ray Hartmann! What do you think?! Zzzz..."
Yes, it all makes for must-see-TV, especially the last half-hour of the program when Channel 9 viewers call in to ask questions that have absolutely nothing to do with the topics discussed on the program.
But then, why mess with success? Donnybrook is one of the most popular programs on Channel 9, which is why we here at Daily RFT have compiled a list of geriatric replacements for Duggan who can hopefully slip into the driver's seat and keep up the ratings.
See the nominees and cast your vote after the jump!
1. Father Time
Pros: It's 2009, so depending on which calendar you subscribe to, Father Time is at least as old as Duggan and may -- in fact -- precede him in years by several millennia. Father Time is a recognizable face, lending him immediate "star power" to the set of Donnybrook. He's also a big St. Louis booster -- albeit a slightly odd one. Cons: Has difficulty spelling. (See sign.) Is prone to incomprehensible babble. Is often asleep by the 5:30 p.m. taping of the show.
2. Ed Golterman
Pros: The ubiquitous gadfly loves stirring things up -- especially when they concern conspiracy theories regarding his beloved Kiel Opera House. Golterman's rich, baritone singing voice could entertain show's live audience during pledge-drive breaks. Cons: KETC may have to change name of program to "Kielybrook."
3. Jerry Berger
Pros: Former Globe-Democrat and Post-Dispatch gossip columnist loves dishing the dirt. Has recently recovered from illness to start his own society and rumor blog. Professed love of the Lawrence Welk Show should resonate well with Donnybrook viewers.
Cons: Can't speak above a whisper these days. But hey, that didn't stop Brando from playing the role of The Godfather did it?
4. Joe Pollack
Pros: Lots of free time since KWMU (90.7 FM) cut his film and theater reviews from its airwaves this past May. Many Donnybrook viewers will still fondly recall Pollack's sports articles (from the 1950s!) in the Globe-Democrat. Wears over-sized eyeglasses reminiscent of those favored by Duggan.
Cons: More prone to opine on food and culture than current events. Face made for print and radio.
5. Jim Hanifan
Pros: Feisty. Aggressive. Never know what's going to come out of his mouth. Like other candidates, has lots of time on hands after recently losing his full-time gig -- as Rams radio color commentator.
Cons: Repeats himself ad nauseam. Lets loose the occasional foul word. Once got so worked up in a broadcast that he pulled a hamstring.
Got your own nominee? Leave it in the Comments thread below!