Best Way to See Your Kid Go to the Slammer: Give Him a Bad Name



  • Riberio
What's in a name, you ask? Well, there's a new study now making the rounds that suggests that boys growing up with rather unconventional names like Garland or Tyrell or Kareen stand a much greater chance of someday finding themselves behind bars.

Conversely, give your bouncing baby boy a relatively normal and popular moniker such as Christopher, Robert or Michael, and bingo, they have a higher probability of living out law-abiding lives.

The study, which analyzed more than 15,000 names, was published in Social Science Quarterly. It was done by a Shippensburg University professor named David (another popular name) Kalist, who presumably has a good deal of time on his hands.

"Unpopular names," postulates Kalist, "are likely not the cause of crime," but that factors often associated with those names can "increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency."

The reason, Kalist goes on to explain, is that boys with unfortunate, girlish or uncommon names more than likely will face the ridicule of peers, often come from families of poorer backgrounds, and face job discrimination in the workforce.

So be a good parent, and name your newborn boy Johnny -- yes, as in Johnny Be Good.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.