If Only Mascots Could Do Our Dirty Work

by

comment

While at a St. Louis Blues preseason game a few weeks back, I noticed that Blues fans can hire Louie, the Blues mascot, to come to their events. Seems like a great idea for a rebuilding organization -- get the furry blue face of that bear-creature out in the public's eye. He'd come out and spread good cheer in the way a silent, plush mime might. But after he left you're still faced with all those daily chores. Why not pay the helpful mascot to do it?

Sure, the mascots are only available for authorized events, but imagine the possibilities.

After the jump are a few tasks that may put a little cheer in otherwise awkward, mundane or sorrowful situations.

MASCOT1.jpg
beerrun.jpg

Louie can go on traditional hockey-watching task, the beer run. It's often the request that leaves a room full of otherwise talkative people silent.

christmas_lights.jpg

Domestic tasks are a pain and a weekend killer, when you could be at a bar avoiding your family. Louie could probably put up Christmas lights while playing the saxophone on one foot. Here's proof.

breakup400.jpg

How do you break the news that you want a divorce or break-up? Louie's got enough backbone for the both of you. Sorry it had to be this way.

dmv.jpg

If only you could avoid the DMV altogether. Louie can go for you. Here, he can also play the saxophone.

ebay.jpg

Putting crap on eBay can make you some extra cash, but your "home office" looks like a rat's nest. Louie'll put your stuff on eBay and clean up all those sticky notes that say, "Y2K supply list" on them.

fired.jpg

You're the boss. Sometimes you just have to let people go. Tough economic times are all around us. Luckily, Louie can fire those under-performers with a smile, and a red foam finger that's not too harsh, but still sends the message: "You've got 20 minutes to leave the building."

traffic_court.jpg

You have to show up in traffic court. Or do you?

We'll revisit this again in the future.

-Nick Lucchesi

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.