Unreal beats our head against the faux maple veneer of our desk on a daily basis trying to come up with the perfect headline. We have at our disposal dictionaries, thesauri, transcripts of old Simpsons episodes, subscriptions to the Wall Street Journal, St. Louis Magazine and the Evening Whirl. And on and on. And still we toil.
You cannot possibly imagine how dispiriting it is, then, to see how easy they make it look over at the competition's newsroom:
To say nothing of the fact that, intrepid local raker of the muck that we are, while the Post-Dispatch was clearly all over this newsworthy turn of events, Unreal had NO IDEA THEY WERE EVEN CONTEMPLATING SHUTTING DOWN EAST ST. LOUIS!.
We'd go over there and report back, but what good would that do? There wouldn't be anybody there to let us in.