For an authentic St. Louis St. Patrick's Day experience, one must attend the Ancient Order of Hibernians' parade in Dogtown. So at 11:30 a.m. sharp, Unreal took a position on Tamm Avenue, swallowed a melon-flavored Jell-O shot and prepared to absorb all the Irish culture and heritage St. Louis has to offer.
A few key lessons:
1. Hair dye + beer do not a true jackass make. For that one needs a megaphone. Even a tiny one will do. Unreal would like to thank Megaphone Man for expressing everything Unreal was already thinking, so that people in the parade could hear him/us. For example, when a gentleman walked by with his schnauzer, Unreal thought: "Hmmmm, aren't schnauzers German?" And: "Isn't this parade supposed to be Irish?" As if on cue, Megaphone Man said/shouted: "Hey, aren't schnauzers German?"
One question, Brudder o' the High Decibel: Where were you fifteen minutes later, when the guy walked by with a Russian wolfhound?
2. Dudes play field hockey. Except in Ireland they call it hurling. (Unreal always called something else hurling.)
3. Floats are for faeries. St. Louisans of good Irish stock prefer to walk. And if you don't think that's entertaining enough, the smallest lad in the clan will deliver a strand of beads at 60 mph to the side of your big potato head.
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