by Tom Finkel
But this e-mail was different. This e-mail was long, and it was, well, dirty. (Though not dirty in the "HUGE PENIS" sense, nor even in the "Update your PayPal account," "Greetings from Nigeria" sense.)
But dirty enough that, needless to say, we'd be remiss if we didn't share it with you.
In a minute.
The e-mail consisted of a brief cover note and an attachment in the form of a 30-plus page Word document.
The cover note began:
I have an absolutely amazing story to tell regarding an ad that was run on craigslist...under the Casual Encounters section M4W. The ad's title was "College Girls—Need Your Ass Spanked?? -m4w."
Basically I responded to the ad and thru a series of emails (28 emails in all between the two of us over a 1 week period) I convinced him I was Patricia, a 22 year old, white female, 5'5", weighing 125#, with blonde hair who wanted desperately to have a hard punishment spanking with a leather strap. (I am a 60 year old man).
When I first responded to this ad I thought that after 2 or 3 emails he would give me a cell phone number to call and the game would be over. Instead he fell for me hook line and sinker....
The drama climaxed at a St. Louis Bread Co. in Chesterfield, where our e-mailer arranged to meet his (her) paddle buddy for a liaison:
I went to the Bread Co. and had one of the clerks give an envelope to this guy and watched his reaction when he found out he was dooped. It was great fun.
We contacted the sender, who claims to be "Tom," a 60-year-old married man who lives in Chesterfield and serves as a chief financial officer for a financial institution in Franklin County. For obvious reasons, he declines to give his last name or identify the name of the company he works for.
What prompted him to engage in this, uh, time-consuming charade? "I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine," says Tom. "To me it seemed like he was trolling for gullible females, and I have two daughters so I found it offensive."
He says this is the first time he has ever engaged in such an activity. "My wife was away in Florida while I was doing all this," Tom tells us. "I just sort of took it up as a hobby."
Asked to elaborate on the Bread Co. denouement, Tom describes his victim, who over the course of the correspondence he came to dub "The Professor," as "a bearded, big, barrel-chested guy.
"It was amazing. He must have read it for five minutes. He kept reading it over and over and over. Then he got up to get some more coffee and sat there for fifteen more minutes. Then he made a couple of calls on his cell phone and left."
Tom says he has since entertained thoughts of sending "The Professor" one more e-mail, informing him that he's Patricia's father. "But I think I've gone far enough."
What follows after the jump is the entire text of the attachment Tom sent, altered to delete e-mail addresses and distracting line breaks (and to add a few mood-enhancing pix)...
College Girls -- Need Your Ass Spanked?? - m4w Strong, creative, intelligent, handsome man seeking women who fantasize hot, hard ass spankings. Though very open to age, I fit exceptionally well with college girls needing discipline and craving older male dominance experiences. There are other areas we can explore, but nothing need go beyond your own desires, dreams and fantasies -- however small or large they might be! Must be clean, very discrete, intelligent and ready for submission. No experience needed, only your nagging curiosity and desire for some new adventure. Fairly early on weekdays best. I am extremely reliable, a fabulous communicator, very firm and absolutely for real and serious about this. Certainly NSA. Send a note explaining your cravings and details that prove you are ready and real too. BE SPECIFIC. Age, looks, status not that important . . . only your seriousness about submission. Let's exchange some email and talk . . . then soon we'll set this up. Let's make it simple and easy. I promise it will be far beyond what you fantasized -- not a doubt whatsoever!
Location: St. Charles, St. Peters, O'Fallon it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Sent: Thu, 25 Jan 2007 1:44 PM Subject: Re: Hi Patricia,
Thanks for dropping me a note. I appreciate your being open and detailed about your fantasy. We are definitely on the same page too as I do not expect it to be anything beyond what you wish. No sex is required, only the hard fantasy spanking as you mentioned with realspankings.com. In fact the more you detail what does it for you in your fantasy, the more amazing it can be. Please know that I'm only interested in what is willingly submitted, nothing ever beyond. As for safety, a public place is perfectly fine if you prefer. A busy parking lot, your car if you prefer. Or you may have witnesses if that is something that excites you too. My personal references relate to what I do and that is creative photography. You would be welcome to speak with them about my reliability, etc., but couldn't include the specifics here! But they have all shot in intimate situations and know my character. Yes, I'm bold, but I'm absolutely for real too when I say ONLY what is given is anything of value -- what is submitted 100% willingly is all that I would ever desire of you. The spanking is sufficient in itself unless you asked for more variations, etc., in the future. Totally up to you Patricia. Drop a note back and let's plan this out. Thanks again for you interest -- talk soon!
On Thu, 25 Jan 2007 16:34:43 -0500, p said: J.D.
I need to think about safety and possibly witnesses a little more. This is a private fantasy of mine so I don't want any of my friends to know. Would it be possible for you to spank me at the same time you are spanking another girl so we could be witnesses for each other? (probably not but just a thought)
Also a public place won't work. I probably will scream some and want To be nude for the spanking not just have my pants pulled down. Since you have a creative background maybe you can help me with some suggestions of what I am actually looking for a little better. I know I want some things but some of the specifics are fuzzy in my mind. I will say that I am a little excited just thinking about it with you. Here are the key things that are in my fantasies:
I am totally nude for the spanking.
This is a punishement spanking not an errotic spanking.
You will use a leather paddle or leather strap made for spankings (do You have this?)
I'll try to define it better for you after I think about it some more.
Can you tell me what you look like so I can immagine this as I think about it.
Sent: Thu, 25 Jan 2007 3:53 PM Subject: Re: Hi Patricia, We can work around anything we must -- and certainly a private fantasy is great, just thinking of suggestions. I could certainly plan to do spank you and another at the same time if we planned it that way. And I'd be glad to help with suggestions and thoughts. Yes, I am very creative and I love using our intelligence to spark more creativity. I appreciate the intelligence I see in you already. Your notes are so well written -- means a lot :)
Very limited time, but have many thoughts for you later -- maybe quite late tonight if you'll be patience, OK? We can create whatever we need for this fantasy. I truly want it to be exquisite for you -- and I will commit to making it just exactly that to Patricia. I will obtain or make anything we need for spanking equipment -- have a few things. As for a quickie description, I look a bit like Spielberg, though younger and not Jewish. Also feel a bit more handsome :) I've got a fairly conservative look, short beard -- a professor looking type some might say. Blue eyes, very Irish. Medium build, strong. Brown hair pretty short. I'm older, but that is part of this I'm sure! Will write much more soon dear. Give me some time. I will not disappear or ever be unreliable -- and I trust that in you too. Nothing is worse than someone not being diligent about what they wish. I will be and will assume you can commit to that as well. We can make this absolutely incredible, not a doubt about that whatsoever either! I'd also appreciate some kind of description. Please mention that you are over 18 too -- other than that age is not an issue to me.
I loved that you asked for me creatively -- keep thinking that you have much more we can pull from the depths of your fantasies and passion. It is important that is be what truly makes you excited -- what gives you that incredible tingle in the twilight of sleep. Do think and dream on it more, OK? I will express without any inhibition and I ask that you be the same in full measure, OK? We can explore so much more freely that way and acheive everything we wish with amazing intensity!
Talk more soon Patricia -- thanks for your prompt follow-up, really appreciated,
On Thu, 25 Jan 2007 22:20:26 -0500, p said: J.D.
love that you are the professor type incuding a beard! Thank you for sharing a little about your looks it is helping me imagine what I want. I hope you will help me develop my thoughts and I too will be working on trying to express what I need.
I am 22 and will turn 23 on March 15th. I am 5'5" and try to keep my weight under 125#, I have a firm bottom (lots of hours on the stair stepper) the rest of me is just kind of average. I have blonde hair that is just short of my shoulders. I hope this helps.
I look forward to your suggestions.
I must apologize for the speed and lack of proof reading on the last note. As a writer also, I hate sending something with goofs! Anyway, I'm very pleased that you like my look -- and I am confident it will boost your fantasy alot. I'm very much a strong dominate type, yet I have the sensitivity and creative soul of the "Irish Poet" type. I AM that in reality, so guess I qualify :) My imagination seems to soar without any prompting, though inspiration is wonderful to have. I must say you have already contributed so much by being so candid, precise, reliable in our exchanges -- and showing me you are a real seeker. My intuition is strong and I sense you have so much inside, so much depth to plumb.
So let's get into it a bit more now, OK? A fantasy is something that is obviously deeply seated -- often taking some cajoling and what I'd call "simmering" to bring all the "flavors" comletely out. The very fact you've mentioned that some things seem fuzzy is proof of what I'm saying. Your desire is very real, very potent and it takes some development to make it fully materialize. Let me start making suggestions for us now . . .
I'm sure that the idea of strong dominance is at the root here and I believe that submission fantasy is key. Being punished is highly satisfying because it taps and triggers something very deeply arousing inside you that needs, even demands it. You sense that you are due this punishment, this discipline, this correction because it actually is freeing, strange contradiction that may seem! There is an amazing "release" in such submission, and yes though it is punishment, I promise you that it will also be the most erotic surge imaginalbe, a high that will explode both inside and out . . .
The more demanding the situation the more you will crave it I belive. The missing/fuzzy part I feel could be that of dominance, being made to submit fully and completely to your punishment. If you take my suggestions, I will insist that you begin detailing what you have done, how you are bad, how you KNOW you need an ass strapping like never before. In fact, a blog of sorts would be a perfect idea even. This will develop the emotional preparation and trust me that your visualization, your feeding of the fantasy by very strong emotional "rehearsal" will make it MUCH more incredibly intense and exciting!
Do this now my dear -- throughout the day, even in mundane tasks, I want you to escape for a few minutes by visualzing -- tapping more and more deeply into the realm of fantasy. Begin seeing/sensing more and more "precision" to what gives you chills and makes you quiver up your thighs and go straight in the pit of your stomach. Now in the twilight of sleep I want you to really relax and release what I'd call the champagne-like bubbles of fantasy detail -- they are very deep inside your being. As you relax and let them float to the surface, they will suddenly "pop" on the surface of your consciousness. You will suddenly know what moves you like nothing else. It takes a willingness to not censor self, to fully engage yourself and SEE with your emotional eyes what is in that fantasy mirror. Flinch if you must, but do it with all you have to give!
There is the physical prep too. We want to do everything we possibly can to intensify EVERY moment of the experience. It could be the smallest thing, a little detail that strongly effects your reaction.
Want some examples? How you dress and then how you are instructed to UNdress matters. It could be something quite dressy is best -- or maybe something very coy and school girlish does it for you better? Same with me -- I will be authoratative in manner and dress. It matters. Then each prop or tool is important. If it is that leather strap or paddle that is best, we do them. How about leather strips made into a short flogger? How about wooden paddles? Simmer more on these now.
Then there is your body preparation too. What will enhance the punishment? -- make each sroke more delectable, rich and stinging? We can use oil on your ass for that as well as cold water with it or separately. An ice cube applied after a hard punishment can be an exquisite new "joy". Seeing your red punished ass will be very arousing to you I promise, so having a good mirror view could be important. Also I'll ask about your skin tone -- are you even, line free? Do you use a tanning salon? What skin care regimen do you have? Carefully using exfoliants and moisturizers? Every detail matters Patricia. We make a fantasy an intoxicating reality by sweating these details . . . the journey will enhance and expand the experience just tremendously — and this you already know or suspect don't you!?
Of course -- and it was excellent that you asked for my help, my suggestions in clarifying all. That is something I will always do — as precisely, as forcefully and as creatively as I can possibly do — and do so with my fully engaged 3D being. There is nothing I approach with a slack attitude. If I commit in this with you, we both give it our absolute best don't we dear? We both deserve that from each other — or otherwise what is the point? I push goals and motivation, even speak on it occasionally and I practice what I preach! If you will not only hear me, but truly listen and submit, this will become the most incredibly breathtaking, intense and charged REALITY. It will be stingingly satisfying and arousing equally in all three areas: mentally, emotionally and physically.
I am writing in some detail as you can see! To me it is very important that we do plunge into the heart of it all -- seeking the depths of it in all areas -- the psychological, philosophical, etc. I already strongly sense even while writing this that this DOES matter to you too!
Fantasy and the achievement of it is the realm of intelligent, motivated and creative people. The slackers, the Walmartians are not looking inside, not exploring or seeking much of anything, so they wouldn't know a fantasy if it bit them :) But I firmly believe that people like you, like me seek the ultimate in many things -- and we have the courage to examine ourselves and allow those "bubbles" to surface.
I am already proud of you for just that my dear -- and I know you will follow my suggestions to go even much deeper. There is more to discover and clarify!
We can talk soon about how your fantasy first appeared, how it may have evolved up until now -- and how you visualize it evolving in the future. We can explore the roots of the desires and experiences that may have triggered it all. We can create such intensity by this too. It is not just something academic! It is part of the journey, the building of more and more satisfaction when we make it reality. We can of course see what other directions your fantasies may go . . . related or not to spanking punishments.
OK, this is now quite an essay -- and I trust it will be something for you to truly enjoy -- well, not just enjoy but savor. There is much here Patricia and I thank you in advance for absorbing it and acting upon it too. Lastly, thanks for the description info -- and I already know that you are not average in anything. Wouldn't even use that word.
You are already proving to me that you are quite extraordinary. Your toned ass is a fantastic asset obviously -- will be so important in your punishment knowing you've worked hard to make it perfect. We will address that plenty, trust me. But all of you inside and out is unique. Believe that starting today . . . deal?
I'll be looking forward to your comments -- and we can get developing our plans in detail. It won't take too long I'm sure!
All the Best for our FANTASTIC success,
On Fri, 26 Jan 2007 09:44:55 -0500, p said: Wow! you certainly gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time. You are very knowledgeable and this is helping me become more comfortable sharing thoughts with you.
I have a flight to Florida in couple of hours. I will be attending a wedding of a college friend of mine tomorrow. I am sorry I won't be able to respond in detail until probably Monday evening. You gave me so much to think about. I have printed your note and will take it with me. I plan to think about it on the plane. I will have access to email while I am in Florida, so if you have any additional thoughts I will certainly pick them up, but I don't think I can respond until Monday.
Sir, I hope youunderstand that I am not losing interest but I truly will not have time to respond in any meaningful way over the weekend.
Your diligence is truly appreciated. Of course I understand on what will be a lack of quality time to repsond this weekend. I will not be expecting anything until you return. What matters is that you told me and you are committed to our communication. Your note was gratifying in several ways besides -- and it again speaks to me about what you have, what kind of quality and depth is there. My intuition is very real and I love seeing your words confirm it wonderfully. It is not only gratifying that you say Sir, but I believe it is important too. The fact that you have volunteered it is something that is visceral to us both. It is powerful to speak it too -- very much so as you'll see. There is a sweet gulf between us and that is a very arge part of making our reality an intensely satisfaying as well as workable experience. To write and speak SIR is a submission that both roots you and then begins to build an amazing comfort. You are already sensing this I know -- and I want you to express it more and more as it deepens.
There is also something very special about what you did printing out my long "essay". It gave a great deal of respect to me and yes I believe it is extremely important to absorb these words. if I did not, I would not be writing them. And I trust you see by now that there must be some level of arrogance in me or I would not be in this role. I hope you can relish that -- it again matters! And yes, it takes an investment of time to do this, but I told you that I unequivocally believe we do our best or there is no point -- and certainly not the joy of experience we'd wish to have. But let me tell you something here my dear: the "doing our best" part is not work, but something that becomes pure joy and satisfaction. Look at a favorite example of this kind of intensity in so-called "work" -- and it transforming into pure pleasure of BEING:
Vincent Van Gogh. A perfect example of pouring out passion that looked like hard work to others, but was pure joy in action. Many other examples as well if I had time here . . .
Now I have no idea when you'll actually see this, though you mentioned access to email while in FL. So what I say here applies to this weekend if you see it in time and of course everything thereafter. My instructions, if you and ready and wholeheartedly willing to receive, absorb and act on them is to carry these words throughout each and every day -- especially the mundane moments. It could be you are running a debit card, dropping something in the laundry, hearing a boring "what about this weather" speech -- and on and on. Let your mind and heart "flash" to our thoughts here -- make it a mini episode of simmering and meditating on your "assignments".
It might be an 8 second one or you may have a good 15 minutes next time! But let me assure you of something here. You will be astounded at how your insight begins to develop. You will find it an exquisite "entertainment" that takes you away (at any moment, no matter how hectic or strange) -- and somehow relieves you of the burden of day-to-day mediocrity. It is as if you were cheating on your time -- using it more productively than ever before. You will know it is working (and I'm very sure it is happening already) when you get that sensation shooting up your spine -- an electricity of revelation and excitement about what is now and what is to come! And yes, oh yes it is more than a bit arousing -- it is something that hints at something much, much bigger than you've ever experienced before.
That is how we make fantasy powerful and delectable starting in THIS moment. Remember how I talked about the journey being such a part of it? These very exchanges are an intregral part of that happening now - and when the excitement builds with each new note, let it be something that you store away, as a battery being trickle charged. I love analogies and you'll see that I use them often to make it real. My desire is to give you a picture for everything we are explaining and trying our best to teach. You will then have something to instantly recall throughout those mundane times we spoke of before. You'll visualize that battery deep inside you now with each new tingle of sensation . . . and I'm thinking a smile may just move across your lips as well :)
Let's talk about discipline a bit here too. I'm feeling very strongly now that this is a very special and deep desire in you. You obviously reflected this with the punishment fantasy. It is something that strikes deeply and moves you -- that much we know is absolute. But I believe the punishment is the surface manisfestation I guess you could say. There is a craving for discipline and structure -- and yes certainly for submission in general. This may have been a few of those "bubbles" that were trying to surface and pop over the past few years perhaps? Remember I spoke of looking into that fantasy mirror? Sometimes it is hard to look into it, to really SEE ourselves clearly. We are going to flinch, but the seeker goes back and looks again until it is so very clear. Remember something with this mirror analogy -- even in the physical world, we see things backwards in a mirror! So it takes effort and even courage to see what is truly there in our fantasy mirror.
But back to discipline. This takes many forms and an example could be something as simple as the fantasy blog I mentioned. This I can greatly expand over time based on new instructions and tweaking. With pure submission you will be amazed at the freedom and release, as I eluded to in the last note. And as we develop this present fantasy, it can be varied and intensified in so many ways. This will all be an outgrowth of our deepening rapport, and it will be my job to give you the tools to delve -- as I've already been trying my best to do. When you reach an absolute comfort you will find that there is a beautiful and deep satisfaction in givng your all in submission. You will find that is expands things like you never imagined -- or at least far beyond what you are beginning to sense.
I love that we can combine pure intelligence with pure imagination, dreams and fantasy. There is something so rare in this Patricia -- and I was not joking when I said it is for the intelligent, even gifted seeker. The lemmings are not ready, able OR willing to achieve their ultimate in any area of life -- and certainly not in areas of such erotic, emotional sensitivity. I recall something about your first note explaining about what you already envisioned as so important to the fantasy. Being nude was very key. This speaks so much too -- and this is a perfect example of how we can use our minds and heart, combined with that wonderful imagination to explore . . .
This part I believe I have insight on too. This relates directly to the sumbission and discipline. Being stripped bare and standing before your authoratative punisher reflects that deep desire for being control, made to come to heel, so to speak. Let me tell you that one aspect I'll clarify here is that you will be made to be naked, not merely nude. Being naked is vulnerability and want you to be immersed in that sweetly charged vulnerability. Remember we spoke of details being ever so important. Here is one -- and though they are words, they have great power. I want you to now visualize being naked before me, not nude. I will have you strip away even the smallest tokens -- every piece of jewelry, every hair pin, watch, rubber band on wrist -- even the most minute thing that covers. This little exercise will give you a nakedness like you've never experienced before -- and the anticipation of your robust ass stinging punishment will be more intoxicating than you can yet grasp.
How you are positioned will be carefully instructed as well. Will you be bent over an old wooden chair? Or made to stretch on tip-toes up a wall? How about prone on the floor, face down in submission and respect for the one you call Sir? Maybe you will lay there and reflect until it is time to take the first strapping. Have you fantasized being tied and immobilized? This could be just such a variation that will make those twilight reflection times I've given you that much more superb, that more more deeply arousing. What you invest will be a direct reflection of what you experience. But then again, you really are sensing this quite well now aren't you dear? And I know you are already doing what I've asked of you.
I will show you my appreciation and praise in all that you ever give too! You can see that your simple note meant something valuable. I applauded you for demonstrating that "investment" already -- printing my note and absorbing it, letting me know your weekend schedule and using the name Sir. Already I'm proud of you -- told you that before and you will hear it a lot more as we go along. Keep giving fully and freely.
There must be a perfect transparency between us developed. Remember what I said about nakedness? Now apply this to all your being: nakedness in mind, emotions and body -- ALL of it is what I ask now.
You will be elated with the results . . . I am absolutely confident . .
Do this my dear -- Rest on my strength and confidence both,
J.D. On Fri, 26 Jan 2007 20:59:52 -0500, p said: submission is amazing. I only have a few minutes and at this moment do not have access to a printer. I will, however, have a printer available to me on Sunday and will print your latest message for additional study.
I am very happy you understand that my not responding in detail is due to prior commitments and not from a lack of interest. I am now and will for the rest of the weekend be working on visualizing my self naked in front of you. About to give myself up for punishment as you see fit. I must admit it does bring additional excitement to me.
Sir, I am truly sorry I can't respond in more detail now as I am very pressed for time. If you have any additional thoughts between now and Sunday I will certainly be able to print them for study on the trip home. I have made marginal notes on your email outlining in more detail my fantasy. I will share these with you on Monday eveining. Have a nice weekend.
Sent: Sat, 27 Jan 2007 1:06 AM Subject: A Thought On Timing and Other Things . . . My Dear,
I am again very pleased to see your prompt response -- even though I did not expect it. You are speaking so clearly, short message or not, and I am inspired by it. You must begin to truly realize what your ability to inspire is -- not only me, but certainly yourself as well. These words you are studying and simmering now will build up the power of that inspiration too -- just watch it build and build in intensity.
Inspiration is a fuel -- one that literally drives us, propels us to achieve the absolute BEST in this and everything.
There is something I need to mention on timing. You worded it as something that just happened to fall into place, to paraphrase. I'd rather you view our timing as pure perfection, not a fluke or a roll of dice. I believe that we had what I'd call an "intersection in time and space" -- and it was not an accident. Things happen when they should and so-called accidents are not really what they might seem. Look at the word failure -- some take it as a defeat, others like Thomas Edison saw it as a "means to redirect". I prefer to think of accidents and failure as the latter.
Same with LUCK. We were lucky weren't we? But what is the real definition of luck for diligent, adventurous, motivated people? Here is one I've heard that works for our definition:
LUCK -- The intersection of preparation with opportunity.
You were ready, you were prepared to move forward -- to delve into experience that tugged at you deep inside. Then the opportunity suddenly appeared. By accident or fluke? I am here, you are here, WE are here because our timing was meant to be. I sensed and you sensed the perfect time to get on that post and then seriously do something about it. I am proud of you Patricia and I am very pleased to find your willing, open, submissive attitude and spirit.
I will challenge you fully and completely -- keep that in your thoughts and meditations throughout the days and twilight of sleep. When you make notes in the margins and print out my writings to you I am impressed with your commitment! I am so glad to know you are visualizing and feeling the power of all that is to come. Already you are experiencing what the sweet journey can be aren't you? If you keep listening and submitting with your whole 3D being, there will be harvests that are rich and bountiful! I use this analogy because there is an investment taking place -- same as with seeds in the ground. The "investment" is made in anticipation of a much larger return or harvest.
We both are giving of ourselves in a very real measure. I take each and every act and form of submission as that giving/investing. I will draw on all that I have, every aspect of my being to give you the full depth of learning in discipline, submission and every particle and morsel of the fantasies that knaw inside. Most of all I will teach you the magnificent freedom and release of submission in all areas as mentioned before: pure and sweet nakedness before me in mind, body and emotions. There are more ways to define this, but will get into that more later .
I will engage every aspect of your being my dear -- fully plumbing the depths -- the exquisite depths inside of you. We will draw forth those bubbles into full consciousness, we will show you how to refine and tune each part of your submission. I will certainly be firm, bold and in the fullest contradiction of all: as sensitive and understanding as any man or person you'll know. I will correct you and punish as needs be with all of my creativity and all of my intelligence too. There will be a strict obedience to all I set forth. Saying SIR will mean something to you and be more richly satisfying than you can yet imagine, as you progress. A desire to please will intensify and it will manifest again and again in a new, even magical form of freedom.
Very strongly I sense what is your need, your passion and your desire. I am here at the right time dear. You are here at the right time. Your need is my urgency and my demands are your urgency. I will give you the words, thoughts and the actions that will bring such rich, deep-seated, intensely exciting and erotic twilights. And these will carry you throughout the days too -- as I told you in my last note. The quivering, the chills of aniticpation and joy in the meditations and visualizations of night will carry over into precious "escapes" in the daylight. This whole paragraph I give you as a poem to simmer and savor. As you reflect on it, it will become REAL. Trust me with all you have -- and reap each wonderful "harvest".
Lastly for this note, I want you to know that the apologies you've given for lack of time for quality response this weekend, I take as wonderful and sweet submission. That is exactly how I take it. Your humility in this is beautiful to see. I sense your real concern -- that I will take it as lack of due diligence somehow. Keep proving what woman you are by > just such submissions and genuine concern. I am very pleased . . . AND I understand.
Have a good weekend too, take good care and I look forward to your notes of insight,
SIR, I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. As I have been thinking about some of the things you have talked about, occasionally, I wonder if I am crazy and if it is a good idea to ask for a spanking. Why submit yourself to unnecessary pain? Then other times I think it is best for me right now. Is it normal for me to have occasional doubts?
Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 12:39 AM Subject: More Important Things/Planning Re: A Thought On Timing and Other Things . . . My Dear Patricia,
Your diligence has very much pleased me. I see that my intuition is firmly backed up by what I experience in action. Your follow-ups, even while many states away are excellent -- and something that shows me you are worth every investment of time, energy and comitment. It is my joy to answer your questions, to teach you and motivate you like nothing you've every experienced before . . .
And yes how we doubt in everything! That is the nature of being human -- we doubt our choice of mouthwash, we doubt our selection of DVDs, we doubt which rest stop or gas station to use -- it is endless what doubts enter our minds. Please see that your doubt on occasion is totally normal. What I'd have you realize though is that we must feed on our goals and vision, not ever our doubt. The more you venture toward this magnificent submission and bask in the power and control of my dominance, the more you will abandon all doubt . . .
Oh my dear, you must truly listen now and not only hear. The anticipation of pain will become pure joy and pleasure. The experience itself will be a sweet intoxication that stimulates every fiber of your being: body, mind, emotions -- EVERYTHING! (think on how your visualizations have already swayed and aroused more and more viscerally). The physical sting of my corrections, disciplining and punishments will be something you wholeheartedly embrace. You must understand that the quality, the feel, the warm carass of the water cannot be experienced standing in the locker room or on a bench at poolside. You must immerse, sudden and quick as it may seem -- then the exquisite comfort of it will keep you cocooned like nothing you've ever felt before. Then it becomes something you'll wish to be punished for ever doubting. And yes, negative doubt in the future will bring my hand of correction. I am going to be firm . . .
Actually I will say this again, repeating my last note on timing: YOUR timing, MY timing, OUR timing was perfect -- exactly what it was supposed to be. You were ready, incredibly ready and prepared (something you'll see the more we examine you in this.) And remember my definition of LUCK? Real legitimate luck? Now here is another bit that you can recall when you wonder if this is NOW:
An old Asian proverb used particularly with the martial arts says that: When the pupil is ready, the master (teacher) will appear.
I am giving you this plain instruction: Focus on and visualize your submission -- SEE, FEEL, TASTE every morsel of it -- even what you don't quite understand yet. This is no different that the seeker boldly taking his chosen path, even if he or she doesn't not know exactly what the scenary will look like. And yes I fully realize that I am delving much further into what is the root, the foundation of your fantasy. You asked for my help taking away the fuzziness -- and I am not withholding in any way. I cannot do that -- I crave the depth and truth probably more than any you'll ever meet. And what I tell you dear is that submussion is your true desire . . . and one I will define with precision and power.
That is something we must speak of person to person soon. It is time we do a very important meeting. There we can speak in much more detail than our notes, much as our exchanges are wonderful and will always be ongoing. And it is there at our meeting we make decisions and plan what we will achieve. And we talk very candidly about what you and I are willing to commit to with conviction. I have some questions for you and some parameters to explain too. I will also make a promise -- a very firm one in fact. You will have such an exhileration -- an intense new level of excitement come from this meeting time! It will be a pivotal time -- and prove ALL I've said about timing and preparation.
I'd suggest something like STL Bread Co -- they leave you alone, infinite coffee and good classical music. Let me know where you are and I'll find the easiest one to meet at either there, where I am or in the middle. Let's do a weekday morning -- early as practical -- 10:00a or so.
Again, I'm very proud of you already -- you have been careful to communicate -- someting so essential. Your intelligence is something I will use fully and most wonderfully. Your SIR has been heartfelt, even in the short, simple notes. I can sense very powerfully and accurately the depth and quality of your desire . . .
We'll explore amazing things my dear -- Hope your trip home was good and a perfect time of study,
Mon 29 Jan 2007 20:49 SIR, I have so many thoughts swimming in my head I will attempt to organize them and be succinct here but please excuse me if a random disjointed thought pops up now and again.
Your correspondence has helped me immensely to understand what I really need.
I really appreciate your patience with me. I have thought a lot about by fantasy since we started corresponding. Some thinks are still fuzzy. For example I am struggling with why I am due this punishment. This seems to be a mystery without many clues and is fuzzy no matter how long and hard I think about it. All I have to offer is that I experimented with a couple of boyfriends in the past with erotic spankings and I do spend some time on the internet at a few spanking sites that specialize in discipline.
What is really strong in my mind is how I envision the punishment-spanking happening.
This is what I dream about: I want it to be a very sound spanking. I have a high tolerance for pain and if I am going to have you do this to me I might as well have it done right. By a sound spanking I am thinking I will end up with a bruised ass not just a red one. I don't want, however, to have blisters that may break. I hope you will be able to control the intensity of your strokes to keep blisters from happening.
I am still thinking that a leather paddle should be the primary implement but your suggestion of using a leather flogger is also interesting to me. I am thinking maybe you could use the paddle on my ass and the flogger on the back of my thighs but I want to think and daydream about this a little longer. What do you think, sir? Is it appropriate? Do you have experience with a flogger? I have seen floggers used on realspankings.com and it does give me a tingle. I don't like the idea of a wooden paddle. This brings to mind high school type punishment and what I want is way beyond that. Also I believe the wooden paddle on my bare ass may blister rather easily thus cutting the session short.
Unless you have a suggestion sir, I am assuming we will use a motel room for this. I don't want it to be a sleazy Motel 6 kind of place I want it to be clean, safe and quiet. I am thinking like a Marriott or Drury has a new place here in Chesterfield, maybe that would work. I could pay for half of the room rate if you think it's more expensive than necessary.
I fantasize that I have been convicted of some unnamed offensive (again a mystery) and have to appear before the judge for sentencing.
The scene in a hotel room: You are sitting in a comfortable chair. You are dressed in comfortable clothes but have a sport coat on (one with patches on the elbows would be perfect) and an open collar.
You are the judge, and disciplinarian at my sentencing for various offenses. (Why any court would have any jurisdiction is a mystery except in my fantasy.)
I will be wearing clothes that are a little dressier. I am thinking the look I want is how I would want to dress if I were making a court appearance and wanted to impress the judge, sort of a stylishly conservative look... I have a nice dark business suit that has both pants and a skirt and I can switch between the pants and skirt depending on my mood and the weather. I think I will wear one or the other with the jacket and a silk camisole. (I want to expand on my appearance because your instructions were the more detailed the fantasy the better.) Under the suite I will have on a black matching bra and thong panty set. These are embroidered silk lace. The brassier is a demi bra, so I sort of spill out the top a little but this is not evident because I will be in the camisole. The Bra and Panty set have a very intricate scroll pattern and I only wear these for very special occasions when I want to feel sexy from the inside out.
I just bought a new pear of imported high heel pumps that I wore to the wedding. These are my new treasures. They were very expensive and I purchased them direct from an Italian craftsman. They are sleek and sexy. I love them. The Europeans are on metrics and have different sizes than the U.S. manufactures so I was really taking a chance with this mail order. The shoes have a 125millimeter stiletto heel. I saw an engineer friend at the wedding and he say this translated to just under 5 inches. They are had made of very soft leather and are amazingly comfortable. I wore them all night at the wedding reception without a problem. Just a little soreness in my legs rather like a good workout. I think the stair steeper work paid off again. I really like them and got a lot of compliments on them. (I'm sorry to bore you with shoe talk). With these shoes on I stand close to 5'10" and they make me feel elegant but also vulnerable. I love them so much but I am torn as if I should wear them for you. (I would appreciate your insight and thoughts) They do enhance the muscles in my legs and ass and I am thinking it would be good to wear them for you. Sort of like presenting myself in the best possible light. But, another part of me says maybe they make me too tall for you to deal with properly (sort of making me dominant when I will be in a submissive role, but then I guess tall does not equal dominant). I would appreciate your thoughts on this, sir.
By the way how tall are you sir? Not that important but I am trying to imagine how it will be.
You said to be thinking in detail about the scene to be played out, so I am thinking I will wear a little makeup and a little lip gloss as I would if I were going to court. I will take it easy on eye make up because I know You will make me cry before it is all over and I don't want to deal with the mess on my face. I will also have on some tasteful jewelry. (Probably my charm bracelet, earrings, a small necklace and a gold chain around my ankle.) My French manicure will be freshly done of course.
Now back to the scene: We can discuss this of course, but I am thinking that we will meet in person soon and after agreeing to move forward we will agree to meet at the hotel at the appointed time. You could either go to the room a little before me and "prepare the room" or if we go in together. If we go in together, I will visit the powder room while you "prepare the room". I have another very strong vision of how the room is. I want every light on, the drapes open if privacy permits and the "judges chair ready with you sitting in it when I walk in. There should be no chit chat at this time. I will be ready immediately to face the judge as outlined below.
I will kneel before the court with my hands cupped behind my back and listen as my conviction is read and my sentence is pronounced. Here is where I have a very vivid picture of what I imagine. It is so clear to me that I have actually written the script for this scene.
"Miss Patricia as you know you have been found guilty of the multiple charges brought before this court and a jury of your peers has deemed it necessary for you to pay your debts for your wrong doings. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I proceed with your sentencing?"
"No Your Honor"
"Very well, it is ordered that you be remanded immediately over to the court disciplinarian for corporal punishment consistent with your violations. This court is ordering the disciplinarian to give your ass a very sound and very thorough spanking. It is ordered that only the convicts ass and upper thighs be spanked and/or flogged. No other part of her body is to be touched with any implement. I am further instructing the disciplinarian that he is to use his best judgment with regard to the length and severity of the spanking based on his knowledge of the offenses. He is to use whatever implements he deems necessary to carry out this order. It is further ordered that the disciplinarian shall strip you naked for punishment; however, you shall keep your shoes on. (more on this later). The disciplinarian is given latitude to order you into whatever position or positions he sees fit to carry out this punishment. You are to remain silent throughout your punishment and you may only speak if asked a specific question by the disciplinarian. This sentence is hereby ordered to be carried out immediately in this room."
"Patricia, do you have anything to say before I turn you over to the disciplinarian?"
"No your honor."
"Very Well, Mr. Disciplinarian, she is now yours to deal with. Please make note of the lack of remorse on the convict's part and take that into consideration as you discipline her." (Why is it that parts of my fantasy are so vivid and other parts are unexplainable?)
Sir, you asked some questions about my complexion. My hair is naturally light blonde and I have the usual very fair complexion blondes usually have. (My grandparents where from Sweden.) I do use moisturizers regularly, especially in the winter months, as my skin tends to be dryer in the winter. I don't usually tan but I did tan for a few weeks prior to the Florida trip because I did not want to look like a ghost. (I can't believe you asked about tanning when I seldom do.) I did get some compliments in Florida and that makes me think it might be worthwhile to continue tanning through the winter. I don't have any tan lines as I tan in the buff. I don't have any piercing other than my ears and I don not have any tattoos.
Sir, you have instructed me that the smallest details should be addressed for me to get the most from our sessions. I have not thought about it to this point, (too many other things to concentrate on) but I am concerned about my pubic hair. My pubic hair is light in color of course, and it is not very thick, but what there is, grows naturally in and even triangle pattern. It is currently fully grown out. I have experimented in the past at the request of boyfriends. One of them liked me completely shaved and the last one would trim me himself. He liked to have my bush as "a landing strip" as he called it. He trimmed it to a rectangular patch about 2 inches long and about 1 inch wide and cut it to no more than about a half inch in deep. It was our Friday night ritual for him to "primp me" as he said.
I don't currently have a regular boyfriend and was wondering what your preference might be. In all honesty, I think the landing strip was my best look. I have not kept it up however, just because of the constant maintenance it requires. Please let me know how you would like to see me groomed. I was thinking that you giving me an order now about this would be a way for me to start getting used to submitting to you before we even met. (does this make sense?)
One final thought on the shoes (my new treasures). I understand that you want to strip me naked for punishment but SIR I hope you will understand that these shoes are very important to me and just my wearing them makes me feel vulnerable. A feeling I believe you are trying to emphasize. So please sir allow me to wear my stilettos for you.
With heartfelt appreciation,
Mon 29 Jan 2007 10:41 My Dear Patricia,
Your note is something very special indeed. It is the type of perfection I truly expect of you. I'm sending this one paragraph in case you get email again tonight (10:40p now). I'll respond in much more detail later, needed to mention our meeting. Let's set that this week -- and if you are in Chesterfield, let's do Chesterfield Commons STL Bread Co. Need to do a morning hopefully. Please drop a note back tonight if are online. It can be early as tomorrow or late as Friday. 10:00/10:30a let's do it.
Much more to come -- could be fairly late before I send it. This meeting will be very important and pivotal as I said last note! I will address things to you eye to eye very boldly and precisely. Time for decisions my seeking submissive woman -- and I'll discuss this more in the coming thoughts I'm writing tonight.
For now I'm very pleased with your detail -- a simply wonderful obedience to me in fact,
J.D. Tue, 30 Jan 2007 1:53 A.M. My Dear,
I can't begin to say how much joy I have in your development! You have listened and are certainly visualizng and dreaming with depth and intensity. There is certainly much more I have for you, but you are putting the intelligence to work that I've spoken of so often. When it is combined with the emotional, sensual, sexual, erotic being, it explodes into such powerful flights of . . . well, you can guess: FANCY (which is fantasy of course.)
Your detail is superb and it obviously stems from careful attention to my instructions. You've absorbed my words (and I want you to continue to do that diligently -- there is still much more to glean.) There are so many thoughts you said were swimming in your head and that is precisely how it SHOULD BE. My desire is for you to be IMMERSED: competely, absolutely, unequivocally in this submission. My instructions are that you carefully continue to do all the exercises I've given you (the twilight and mundane daytime escapes, etc.) and get yourself satuarated in the "bubbles" of fantasy, submission, punishment, pain -- EVERYTHING we've touched upon.
The lucidity has only begun my dear. I told you that as you approached and trusted me with all you have, then you would begin to see the harvest. There is so much I crave to teach. We will explore the roots, the foundations of all these things together. You have obeyed in the small things and we now will continue with more boldness. There are words I will give you to use -- same as nakedness replaced nude. It is critical that everything we do, everything we discuss, everything we plan become more and more visceral -- even with just the suggestion of the words. Every thought must begin with a word or words (at least when we first discover we can verbalize it. This takes time in some situations as you well know.) Sometimes it is a "knowing", as Pascal said, "The heart has reason which reason knows nothing of."
But back to my point -- my desire is that you have powerful intellectual, physical and emotional reactions to all we say here and all we'll do. FLOGGER -- it gave you a tingle and I dare say more than light tingles as you visualized your thighs being punished with those strips of leather. IMMERSE my dear! Your arousal will become such a delectable thing with each new "charge". I now want you to use my words more and more. Do not withhold what is not only excitment, but very real arousal. Say it plainly, even with a blush, you will now say it. We punish your ASS red and no longer a bottom (this you have already begun to write.)
Your exercise is to test each word or phrase. From now on you will cast out any that are euphemisms or the polite way to say it. Instead you will test your visceral reactions and use ONLY the ones that move you, arouse you the most. Ass was given above as an example. This applies obviously to all body parts, but I'm using YOUR emotions here -- you must decide what triggers the sweetest reaction. Why such exercises? Details my dear submitted one -- and obedience. We will be transparent, completely and absolutely. This is one simple step on that path. All will become more and more clear, trust me implicitly. And there are no restrictions, long as you do exactly what my exercise details. You may curse like a tatted up sailor, if that is a result. Do it then.
OK, now what is erotic? ALL is erotic. Your discipline will be extremely erotic -- to the exact same measure it is intense, stinging punishment. We no longer make distinctions in this. I've written so much about submisison as the base desire. And we will delve much, much more into your need, your knawing desire to be punished because you are DUE. We will fathom this more and more as we develop our insight. For this moment here is my order: You will fully surrender to the joy of chastisement! Though we will explore the basis -- and all that is your offense, for this moment you will greedily embrace this longing -- and submit to it with your entire 3D being. Accept now with a deeper trust in me than ever before, this passion is YOURS for good reason. Absorb and savor every damn little morsel of it. Understand me fully?
I have so much to give you in regard to the nature of submission and in particular YOUR submission to me. We will sit face to face and make this very plain. It is going to be an important and also very enlightening event -- not to mention I can assure you that new tingles, charges and even lightening bolts will shoot up your body -- toes to the tingle on your scalp. This will be such an truly visceral experience. There is a magical power in DECISION. My strength and the authority which I have will be so clear to you. Why the desire, the incredible appeal of being dominated, being subjugated, being instructed, fine-tuned and strictly punished -- why it tugs so strongly and deeply will become much more evident. We will make decisions more far reaching than the performance of the fantasy. Begin to visualize the power and passion of this meeting and let it take your dreams to a much higher plane. Really begin to soar now my dear! See it will be unlike anything you've ever experienced before -- a flight so far over the heads of all lemmings and Walmartians.
Now regarding your excellent detailing of the fantasy at hand. I am so incredibly pleased you GET IT. You can see that detail is not only a very critical part of the amazing journey -- it is a beautiful excercise in obedience itself. Before I have even stated my instructions and given my orders, you actually anticipated several of them. This is a sweet proof of a rapport that is something far beyond a roll of dice. It was exactly what was supposed to be . . .
1. You have hit hard on the head my order for dress. I want you absolutely pristine -- and your inclusion of the finest lingerie pieces is correct, including black as the correct color. It must be your most exquisite presentation. The outer part is excellent as you stated -- need not be completely formal attire. One addition, if you have them, is garters and thigh-high hose. This will be a valuable part of your stripping ritual.
2. Nails perfect. You got this too -- finger and toenails must be exquisite. French manicure again was my order.
3. Again, very carefully groomed public hair. This is PRECISELY my order -- and the "Landing Strip" it will be since you are thinking it is your best look. Your best look is always the order of the day -- and though we will certainly change things from time to time, the standing order is ALWAYS this: YOUR BEST. This is a very important aspect of both respect and submission to me.
4. In makeup, there will be times you will be maxed out for the most sensational possible effect. I will not have you timid in this, at least overall. However, with your tears I know a cleaner look is more practical. I will allow that as long as you clearly understand full-blown makeup will be critical at other times.
5. Hair should be what is your biz-like best. Don't need to over do. There will be other times I'll have it absolutely high glam and exotic, but for now biz class is perfect.
6. Skin tone: even is what I wish. Being dark is certainly not the point, but being absolutely tan-line free is. I want to see nothing but a seemless, perfectly flawless color running head to toe. Be sure there are no missed areas that stay too light like under breasts, under arms and yes even inside ass and the creases around legs/pubic mound.
7. Your script is a powerful, even perfect example of defining and intensifying a fantasy experience. Just think about how this happened. I want you to recall this exercise over and over, recreating the circumstances that allowed all this to flood into your heart and mind. This is now a tool for your use in the future. We will use it my dear. I will add some clarification on your offenses, however.
We'll talk more on location. I'd like us to have something for future access that won't be an expense. But that we will brainstorm and plan on more very soon. Any other suggestions, I will always want to hear too. Always be bold about any and all suggestions. What is too much, I will clearly tell you dear.
I have only a few things I will add and those are areas that you need me to define anyway. Again, you have sensed exactly how your master/teacher must perform. In regard to positioning you for punishment, it is important that you be firmly ordered into each position. Though I will allow your input in this and everything, this is an area I develop myself and hand you as a gift of surprise.
I'm about 5'9" by the way.
Lastly for now, I've read carefully your description of the Italian shoes and heard your plea to have them on. I must say once again that I am actually astounded! Not only am I very pleased with your choice of such quality, obviously extremely sexy heels, but that is something I'd certainly order for many, many occasions. You have already read me, sensed me, absorbed my desires very, very well. I am so pleased with you Patricia.
Order: You WILL wear these shoes for punishment. There may be a position where I'll take them off. But for your enhanced vulnerability and nakedness (that contradiction is something that is precisely what we will often savor), and the intensity overall that these obviously will add, I certainly want you to have them.
There are so many more things I will address soon. One very important one is how that area of interface, for lack of a better word, of your fantasy (and future ones) and my orders, intructions, teaching, corrections and punishments will be developed. Your submission by definition will require anticipating (like you've actually done so well) my desires, obeying wholeheartedly my instructions and orders, etc., so there will be that interface to address. This is where a careful melding of your desires in submission with my dominance and mastership are critical. This is something that is "customized" -- no other better way to say it. What is achieve is going to be exactly how we define it . . . and again that is for our important upcoming meeting -- we'll at least began to address it. Obviously by now you know I care deeply about your 100% fulfillment and absolute breath-robbing elation at every aspect of this fantasy. Yes, that is where we begin, so this interface question we will get to -- not something that needs to be fleshed out completely now.
We will meet very soon dear -- give me your confirmation on my info/timing . . .
Incredibly proud of what you've achieved -- what WE have achieved so far!
J.D. Tue 30 Jan 2007 6:57 A.M. SIR, I am sorry I missed you last night. I went straight to bed after I sent my last note to you. I was very tired from the hectic weekend and the change in time zones. I too am anxious to meet in person, the Bread Co. is fine, very close for me, I am looking forward to it. I will have to check on how things are at the office and let you know about timing. I just had a chance to scim your second message, I am so relieved that you think I am on the right track and that you are O.K. with the shoes (my new treasures).
Tue 30 Jan 2007 11:56 A.M. Patricia,
In the twilight of sleep we often have the best access to our inner being -- certainly to the right brain. That is why I've told you many times about what you must do in that essential twilight time. I had a very swift, but valuable piece of insight hit me immediately upon entering my twilight sleep after writing to you:
Holmes: But then there is the matter of the dogs barking in the night.
Watson: There were no dogs barking in the night.
Holmes: That is precisely my point.
I realized that my mind's allusion to a Sherlock Holmes story was an analogy regarding YOU my dear. No sooner had these strange lines hit me that I realized it was about the "missing offense" for your punishment. Though we will certainly probe much deeper, I am seeing that the specifics offense(s) might be the "dogs barking in the night". The fact there IS nothing but fuzz in this area proves to me more and more convincingly the quality of my orders:
EMBRACE! IMMERSE! ABSORB! Grasp and devour every morsel of the desire. Cherish and savor every intoxicating thought, feeling, tingle, turn-on -- and every delectable stroke, every single stripe -- every wince, every tear at each sting of severe punishment.
For now the reasoning is Pascal's. Our reason may not have a reason. But our heart knows -- and it often takes time to translate into a written/spoken language. Desiring, even craving punishment and pain is reason enough. You are in gross violation and need to pay the price! If no dogs bark, then no matter -- it is OK, it is fine, it is wonderful, even if through embarrassment, to embrace that masochistic desire and pain is extremely arousing for you. It is a superb, powerful fantasy that you are not alone in by any means. You know these thing intuitively, but you have sometimes balked a bit. Remember my words about the fantasy "mirror". Read those over again. Also see that you will be absolutely transparent before me -- stripped naked, even with humiliation in ALL areas: mind, body, emotions (soul). You are free to be free in my mentoring, dominance, discipline, mastership and all of my caring, meticulous instruction.
By the way, as you mature and grow in submission, you can trust there will be offenses. I told you plainly that I am bold and that I will have strict obedience. If you truly desire the absolute best, you must take the punishments for failing -- whether it be from disrepect, my general displeasure or some obvious infraction. There will be many concrete reasons you will suffer my punishments. I will correct you diligently my dear. Whatever is committed in the submitted one is certainly matched or exceded by the master.
Flogging: Again you have sensed me with such precision. My exact plan was as you suggested and asked about appropriateness: flogging your thighs -- leather strop or paddle for ass. I want as much surface to punish as possible. This allows for that and gives a variety you'll readily relish. I'll creatively vary positions -- ordering you into one after another for maximum effect, best reach and full coverage for each area. Each position will be created for the most intense emotional, visceral and arousal power as well.
Patience: Every form of obedience adds to the "reserve" I'm putting inside you. Remember about the trickle charge example? This is another take on that. I want you to see the simple act of doing exactly the right thing -- be it with nails, using the words I instruct, quickly submitting to each position, doing your visualization and other exercises or anything of ANY nature -- it ALL adds to that reserve. Obedience in your submission will become reflexive. You'll know exactly, intuitively when you err, when you displease. In fact, you will submit yourself for punishment before I can even bring it up. This will be part of the blog I alluded to briefly early on . . .
Now patience, what has it to do with the above comments? You thanked me for patience and you are very welcome. I will need your patience as well. Please see that patience is similar to that reserve I described just now. It is something that can be stored away, unusual as that may sound. It is to be viewed like the other investments I've written much about. We build our patience as we build our trust. We must know that our patience will always bring a harvest, a dividend, a reward.
I will need you to rest and meditate silently sometimes -- carefully revisiting my words and every order, every instruction. I'll need your patience. But know this too my dear: I will not slacken or wander off -- that is not me in any way. Needing patience is not an excuse for slacking and failure as some might view it. We again are "investing". I have and will continue to give you my patience. My patience is infinite when I know you are committed and submitted with your whole being. I will not withdraw it then.
I realize you will need it at times due to simple, logistical issues. There is scheduling and there is exhaustion for example. Last night you headed to bed after writing a tremendous detailed note to me. Not only was your note exquisite obedience and wonderful diligence, but going off to sleep was exactly what I needed you to do too. I was not displeased you were not able to get my notes. Again, patience is a valuable, valid commodity. I will insist you rest properly -- my patience regarding such thing is again -- infinite. I will do all in my power to develop what is best for you in just such mundane things: rest and reflection time. A renewed purpose and power comes from that -- not only for you, but for us both. OK, there is enough for now to absorb. This note today caught up the few things I didn't get to in the last note -- plus the matter of the dogs barking in the night! Whatever else needs clarifying we'll get to of course. Please take good care, allow your excitement to simmer slowly into a sustained boil -- and continue your study and various assignments with all due diligence. It will take an investment of time to reread often as necessary all I've sent. I read all your thoughts, questions, suggestions, desires and requests carefully as well. If I miss something, bring it to my attention.
Lastly, regarding your new sensual leather treasures, I want you to SEE them, SMELL them, TASTE them and make them a very potent symbol and touchstone of your submission to me. VISUALIZE your vulnerability, your nakedness in them -- doing this throughout each day and night. Do this carefully until the very sight of them gives you a marvelous, tightening sensation in the pit of your stomach. Do this my dear . . .
We will finalize our meeting soon . . . looking forward to our pivotal time,
J.D. Tue 30 Jan 2007 1:52 P.M. Sir,
I am affraid I can not arrange my schedule to accomadate our meeting before the weekend. I tried all morning to rearrange some things to make time im my schedule to no avail. You would have thought I was gone for 2 months not 2 days. It has been very hectic around here lately. I worked through lunch and just now saw another message from you. I appologize for not responding in more detail now, but I will this eveing. Can we meet at the Bread Co. on Sat. or Sun.? My schedule is open except for a tanning apointment I just made and I need to get to the gym. I will write more later.
Tue 30 Jan 2007 9:07 P.M. Sir, as you requested I spent considerable time in the bathtub tonight trimming my pussy hair. It actually took me three trips into the tub and out again to get my pussy groomed to where I was happy with it. I think you will like it. I used a razor to trim the extra hair, and then had to dry it with a hair dryer and comb before I could trim the length. I did not want to error by taking too much off. That's why it took three trips in and out of the tub. When I finished, I actually slipped into my stilettos and stood in front of the mirror for about five minutes admiring myself and applying lotions to the freshly shaved areas and moisturizing the rest of my skin. I should have kept the landing strip all along. It looks so much better. Its amazing how just this little change arouses me because I am doing it for you.
Tonight after my bath and grooming, I actually had a little dress rehearsal. I wanted to try on my suit with my new shoes. I tried on both the skirt and pants that came with the suit. The pants are out. With my new shoes, the pants are way too short and look funny. So I will definitely be wearing the skirt. I dressed up exactly as I plan to do for you including the undergarments and jewelry as I previously described to you. I also added thigh high sheer nylon stockings with lace tops. The lace pattern is very pretty and although it does not match my bra and panty set it is a nice compliment. I, of course, will wear these for you at the sentencing hearing. It was such a wonderful warm feeling for me to be dressed exactly as we discussed. I walked into the living room and imagined that I was in the hotel with you. I kneeled down in front of the big chair and I slowly read the script of the judges sentencing hearing out loud. It was very erotic for me. My pussy became moist, actually so wet that I had to wash my panties when I finished.
I'm sorry sir, I do not have an appropriate garter belt to wear for you, but I am hopeful that you will look favorably on the sheer thigh high nylons. They have a little stretch in the tops so they will stay just fine without a garter belt. I have worn them on special occasions before.
Sir, I need to share a random thought with you. It is not as if this is integral to my submission journey, but I just want you to know. No big deal really. When I think about you, when I am thinking about one of your assignments, and certainly when I read and write with you. In my mind I think of you as the Professor. I hope you don't find that offensive.
I am sorry I did not comment on spanking positions earlier. I understand that you just want input, and that you will dictate these, but I did want to express what I have been envisioning. Three positions seem to "really do it" for me.
First, I picture myself standing with my feet about three feet from the wall and leaning into the wall with my hands above my head. I am following you instructions to push my ass out and keep it pushed out; additionally, you have instructed me to stand on my tiptoes even though I am wearing the stilettos. You warn me that if my heels touch the floor I will receive penalty stokes with the flogger across my thighs.
Second, I am standing behind the back of a chair facing the chair. You have me bend over the back of the chair and rest my head on the seat. I am holding my weight with my hands and arms. Again, I am on my tiptoes waiting for each stroke to be applied to my ass.
Third, I am kneeling on the chair with my ass protruding up anticipating your strokes.
I will begin to work more on my vulnerability, as you suggested sir, with the shoes as a symbol. I will now keep one of my shoes on my nightstand where I will see it the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. The other shoe I have place on my coffee table. It is there to remind me constantly to think about this aspect of my submission. Does it make sense for me to invest, when I can afford it, in a pair of very high heel stiletto boots and another pair of shoes for running daily errands in?
Sir, I have made a tanning appointment for Saturday. I need to touch up the area around my pussy where I shaved tonight and I also need to touch up the underside of my tits a little. I think they are O.K. but not as good as they could be.
I will also spread my legs as wide as the machine will let me so that the crack of my ass becomes the same color as my cheeks. My ass is in real good shape. Nice smooth all one color but when I spread my cheeks a little I do see some white streaks that I will work on.
I hope we can meet on Saturday for discussion and then on Sunday for my first discipline session. Would it be possible for you to bring the implements you will be using on me when we meet? I would like to stew and imagine how they will feel on my skin when you finally begin whipping my ass.
Thank you Sir, for all you have done for me thus far. I am eagerly awaiting meeting you.
Wed 31 Jan 1:29 A.M. My Dear Patricia,
I have a great sensitivity to my intuition as I've told you before, and I have not been caught off guard so far in observing how amazing our timing and beautiful "meshing" has become. But tonight when I finally could get to your wonderful note, I was stunned and almost knocked off my chair when I read PROFESSOR. Oh my sweet, submitted, sensitive and very intuitive woman! -- Do you realize that I was called Professor before I even started junior high? It is beyond amazing that you grasped that essense in me -- that mentoring, teaching, dominating man who is indeed PROFESSOR.
It further astounds and satisfies me so greatly that very soon I was to explain to you that I would take on a special dominant/master name -- and likewise I would eventually assign you a special new name as my submitted one, when I thought it was appropriate. Your comment tonight just solidified that. From now on you may address me as either Professor, Professor J.D. or Sir -- either is equally appropriate. Always capitalize the names. There is a tradition in this reflected by the initials: D/s. You may know them -- signifies Dominant/submissive. The submissive name is always lower case to show humility. We will begin that when I decide on your special new sub name. (by the way, your name for me will be special as there is nobody using that name for me anymore, not for many years in fact. It is now YOURS.)
My dear I am incredily pleased with your diligence today/yesterday. The work you have done is excellent regarding what I've told you to do -- or at least begin doing. And you have incredibly well anticipated what my instructions and orders would have been in other areas. It shows me that you are again worthy of my absolute best, my most intense offerings. There is nothing we leave unaddressed in training you, disciplining and crafting you into the ultimate model in "perfection of submission" to your Professor. Now it is time to introduce a new acronym that you will learn. Eventually we will have these posted on a blog/journal for your study:
POS -- Perfection of Submission. We will both use this term to convey just that meaning in a sentence or if talking. Everything I am doing with you and you are doing under my control is for this very end: PERFECTION OF SUBMISSION.
What you did tonight in the bathtub in grooming your pussy was exactly POS. What you did in that superb, VERY superb exercise in visualization was POS. What you offered in suggestion for training your trigger/symbol of submission/vulnerability (shoe placement) was POS. When you began to use the visceral, erotic words in place of the generic, you did POS.
Let me quickly address a bit more what you did and are doing. The grooming exercise was something that proves so amazingly well that the journey, the preparation is very satisfying and can be extremely erotic in itself. The anticipation is mindboggling -- and it will grow and grow in precious intensity! It has been said so wisely that the mind is the most important of the sexual organs. Absolutely so. It is there that we dream and visualize the most fantastic erotic experiences -- and there where the seed of planning reality obviously begins.
Then you put visualization to a powerful test when you put on your clothes, tested the look, felt and saw that each piece of lingerie was incredibly right -- and that those treasured shoes made the foundation sure! You then did precisely what I'd have you do: read and rehearsed the words of the court. This was beautiful my dear and I'm so pleased at your initiative in this. Again what a perfect proof of how sweet and arousing such visualization can be. I am not surprised that your panties were too wet to wear. This is EXACTLY the proof I will demand in your submission. When you obey me with all you have, you will see this is going to be a common experience. As you intensify and develop your ability to do the daytime "escapes" -- even the 8 seconds ones -- this wet pussy reality will be nearly instantaneous.
We will not get into it all now, but you will be instructed to carry backup panties for work and other mundane tasks throughout a given day. I will show you, and you will demonstrate plainly to yourself, this is going be a wet experience all along the amazing journey! These are perfect examples of what you will maintain on a submission blog/journal, among many, many other things I give you to do.
I also praise your initiative in examining your body head to toe and seeing what needed attention. You addressed a moisturizing issue that I did mean to get into. I don't need to explain it further it seems. The ultimate best care for your skin is essential as you certainly know. I'm sure you are doing the exfoliation too. I prefer you to use natural oil based product rather than petroleum if not already doing so. This can be transitioned into over time -- don't want wasted products.
As for evening skin tone, your plan should handle it perfectly -- and remember nothing dark is required. A very light tone is fine just as long as even as possible. I will examine you carefully -- head to toe, every crevice, every inch to see that you are pristine before me -- including the even toning of course; also evaluating you for glowing, beautiful, soft, moist skin with no dry patches/roughness. We will immerse ourselves in detail as nothing ever before my dear. Already I can see the wonderful enthusiasm and the relish you have for just this. I am very pleased with your progress and understanding about this. It matters -- will always matter.
I will accept your thigh-highs. We will add garters and vary costuming in the future. But I am satisfied with your offering in this. It will enhance very well I'm sure the entire look. Now as for the shoes and the placement, I am again very happy with your efforts. YES! This is superb planning for an effective, constant reminder/trigger for your submission and vulnerability. Those shoes are the ideal symbol -- They must be etched in your mind so that you have instant sensastions of the depth and demands of your submission before me. It must be visceral! Use every sense -- I only suggested a few before. Add smell of course to touch and taste. Yes, you will taste them. Feel the arousal begin to soar as you perform this ritual combined with intense emotion. This will bring a flash of desire to be absolutely naked and vulnerable before your Professor -- mind, body and emotions (soul.)
And certainly my dear, I am more than pleased to see your question about adding stiletto boots. I think it would be an excellent addition, though not urgent on timing. Wait until I talk to you more on it. As for the run around shoes, are you meaning plain shoes? Or did you mean heels on them as well? Of course preserving the important one(s) is necessary -- the "symbol" Italian shoes are to be treated as nearly sacred -- and I'm sure you are doing just that. So some to take the day-to-day abuse make good sense. If you are speaking of simple low/no heels for errands, I will give you my instructions soon. I want them to be perfect on and for your feet -- even if only for common things.
Reminds me that in the blog/journal I set up, I will require minute detail on every possible measurment and size of your body. You will maintain it carefully to reflect any changes. More on that at the appropriate time.
POSITIONS: I've read your desires here and they reflect incredibly well some I had planned. Key requirement is the maximum vulnerability, maximum access and maximum emotional power for arousal and humiliation. Your requests hit on this very well I believe. Keep reflecting on all things with equal diligence and joy. It is something that proves to me that you are listening AND acting. This is another POS.
TIMING ISSUES: I must have your patience dear. First let's get our meeting set up. That is our priority. If I rearrange a bit myself, I can set up early evening with you, though would still much prefer the mornings as we've already been through. When are you off? Can you be off early? Let's say Thursday? I would be there at STL Bread Co. awaiting your arrival. This at least get our meeting set really. Our actual first punishment session, need to talk more on logistics with you. There will be no more delay than necesary, trust me on this. I need your patience dear.
As for your request on the implements -- again that is a special insight you had and I'm very pleased. Yes, it would be an incredibly powerful experience to hold them and carass what will carass your exquisitely prepared ass and thighs. The visualization potential would be off the charts. This is precisely the quality of thinking I expect from you -- excellent indeed. That said, I am making punishment implements just for your submission. I'm presently studying some design info for the proper dimensions, etc. I will probably have some drawings and measurements to show you, but not likely to have them done for the meeting.
Over time my dear I will engage you in just such projects -- using your mind, your creativety to develop the special tools and implements for your punishment and other submission training. We may create a hotlist or wishlist of things needed or at least desired. A perfect addition to that blog/journal I keep mentioning. This can include all kinds of other equipment, costuming (an all inclusive clothing term I use), toys, shoes/boots, books, magazines, websites, etc.
Enough for now . . . continue with your fantastic progress. What did I say about LUCK? Simmer on it.
Confirm on Thursday timing soon as you are able . . .
I am so proud of you Patricia,
Wed Jan 30 7:58 A.M. Professor, Great, I can meet you at 5:30 p.m. on Thursday (tomorrow) at Stl. Bread Co. in the Chestefield Valley. Let's also be thinking that my first punishemt session will be either Satruday or Sunday at my condo. You can pick the time. This will give you a couple of days to gather the needed implements. Sir, please let me know if this plan meets your approval as soon as possible. I am trying to schedule business commitments around this. patricia
Wed Jan 31 10:38 A.M. My Dear,
A very quick note to reply to your request. If you get this at work, let me know what you need to schedule around? Are you speaking of Thursday meeting only, the weekend or both? I am confirming 5:30p Thur, STL Bread Co. Chesterfield Commons, Hwy 40, Exit 17 (Boone's Crossing).
If it is urgent on weekend schedule arounds -- (and I am not certain yet on weekend being viable), I am preferring Sunday, about noon. If you are not scheduling around weekend, let me confirm timing at our meeting. We WILL get there my dear. I am very pleased you are anxious to begin, but all must be ready too.
Write me back with clarification dear. It is gratifying to see such diligence and precision in your wonderful progress!
Wed Jan 31 11:23 A.M. Sir, It will be so great to finally meet you tomorrow at the Bread Co. Thank you for confirming. Sunday at noon will be perfect for the punishment session. I have a tanning appointment on Saturday and want to get to the gym. I will also make a nail appointment so I will be freshly tanned, toned and manicured for you. My condo is very close to Chesterfield Commons and easy to find. I will give you directions tomorrow. I am getting so excited as the time draws nearer. I will send you a note tonight to let you know what I will be wearing to work tomorrow. I will be going straight to the Bread Co. from work. In the off chance thereis another 5'5" blonde there you will be able to positvely identify me. patricia
Wed Jan 31 3:50 P.M. My Dear patricia,
I love seeing your enthusiasm and wonderful, meticulous preparation. It will make a tremendous difference -- already know it is. Thank you for sending description info on you too. As mentioned early on I look somethng like Spielberg -- will have a black sportcoat and shirt on, briefcase on table.
-- Completed making a brown leather Spanking Strop. Used the exact specifications I found for it based on a c.1940s collection. It is 20" long with 14" the business end and 6" for the handle. It is 1.5" wide and a loop design -- giving a slap of two strips of leather with each stroke. It is about 1/4" thickness with both sides measured together. Made of excellent high grade Italian leather with a wondeful compliance to it. Wrapped handle in black gaffer tape then covered with soft black Neoprene grip with velco -- so I can go to the thinner handle if needed for different control.
My dear this will provide your Professor with a serious implement of punishment. You will be able to carass and smell it at our meeting and savor the visualizations until the next day.
-- Made a light weight Flogger of 16", multiple 1/8" strips. A piece of leather makes a "T" handle.
A few more comments this evening late -- ones you will likely get tomorrow morning. I am very proud of your careful, very careful attention to tanning, toning and manicure. This is a supberb example of respect and certainly POS.
See You VERY Soon Dear -- Keep Your Anticipation Soaring!
Wed Jan 31 2007 7:08 P.M. Sir,
My anticipation is soaring for sure. Getting a little wet as i write this. Thank you so much for adjusting your schedule to accomodate mine.
Tomorrow i will be wearing a bright red sweater (that compliments my tits rather well) with a black leather miniskirt (not all that short) and i will be in knee high leather boots with a 3 1/2" heel. These are the ones i asked you if i should replace with the 5" stiletto heels. i will have on short leather coat with a fur color.( i thought the leather theme to be appropriate for our first meeting)
It is deeply gratifying to me that you chose to make brand new implements to use on my ass and you are not using equipment that you have used in the past on the many subs you have trained over the years. i am eager to hold them in my hands and to smell them.
Professor, i do have a special request Sir, if you have decided on my special sub name could you send it to me in a note. When we meet tomorrow i would like to properly introduce msself using my sub name.
1 Feb 2007 2:08 A.M. My dear,
I have heard your request -- something I've been carefully considering already. Again, you've anticipated me and you've bring your plea before me -- seeming to synch with my thoughts, my work and my desire for you . . . Yes, you are ready for your name -- and it is a sweet and humble POS that you ask to use it to greet your Professor.
Your special submissive name is for you only -- always and forever. Do not ever share it in any way except with the one granting it. Same as with the new implements of punishment, I wanted them to be for you -- something special from my hand: fresh, willing and ready for what you will not only require, but savor and crave.
My dear, you are now my submitted one, especially named:
belle nu ch�tie (bell new shaw-tay)
You may use belle as a first name, though your new name is not constructed as a first, middle, last. It is a synergistic group. But for convenience there will be no disobedience with saying "belle".
I am pleased with your leather theme -- a perfect statement, a wonderful homage to such an important meeting -- and POS respect to me.
I Will Greet You So Very Soon dear,
Thur 1 Feb 2007 6:51 A.M. Professor,
Thank you very much for my new name. i love that it is French. Makes me feel so special.
Are you feeling O.K.? i am worried that you might be under the weather. i was expecting a much more verbose message from you last night.
i am counting down the hours until we meet tonight. See you at 5:30. i was also hoping that you would give me permision to bring back up panties tonight. But i know you must have your reasons for not adressing this. So i won't bring any.
i have just finished dressing and i am about to head out the door. i put on the smallest thong panties i own. Really just a small g-string. It barely covers my pussy. i can finally wear it again since i have my landingstrip back.
Sir, i hope you will understand tonight that i may need to excuse my self and go to the restroom to slip out of my panties and wipe my pussy. i anticipate getting moist and probablly very wet just meeting you. i am sure viewing and smelling the leather instruments you made will send me over the top!
Again, looking forward to tonight and especially Sunday.
Thus 1 Feb 2007 10:55 A.M. My Dear belle,
I am very well -- and I am happy to see you notice and ask when I repsond differently. Please see that I had some very good reasons. I first wanted to reflect, simmer, study and let your name truly bubble to the surface -- and be sweet perfection for you. I concentrated soley on this for several hours. Because of this priority, something I agreed was important for you to have today, I did not want to diminish this gift by sending an essay on other subjects with it.
There is much I have to teach you about the delectable contradiction of your submission to me. I will explain the analogy of the strung bow today, and it will become more clear. You were correct to wait on my instructions for back-up panties. Would I punish you for doing so anyway? Probably not unless there was a direct disobedience in it.
My desire for you is absolute transparency, pure nakedness in your 3D being as I've discussed many times. But there will be in this times you are corrected, times you push and I say no. So far I have been elated to see your amazing progress and the kind of enthusiasm that proves you really understand much already. I've told you to boldly speak and question, but part of your discipline will be to absorb and obey no matter the response.
I'll tell you a secret regarding punishment -- a severe one too. It is often considered the greatest level of punishment when communication is withheld for a time between master and submissive. And already you are seeing what it means to have a continual stream of my words. I will answer in everything, but I may answer in baffling ways at times. Silence is an answer too. Redirection is an answer. Your deepest pleasure in all your submission will be to obey wholeheartedly, no matter what you presently understand -- or accepting you may not need to understand. I have hinted already at the great and wonderful contradiction, but more will come.
Tonight will be a seminal, pivotal amazing event! And yes I will see your eyes and I will know the wetness you are dealing with. Your pussy will be an absolute proof of the intensity of this experience -- and it will be telling you so even before you walk in that building. It IS and WILL be like nothing else before. I promise you my dear that my attention to detail will become more and more obvious to you. I will surprise and I will challenge and I will sooth and encourgement in so many creative ways. Your panties or lack thereof at times will be addressed carefully -- trust me. They will often be like the "touchstones" those stiletto heels have become.
Such precious and quivering intimacies will be yours to savor, ponder, anticipate, richly develop and become so totally immersed in. Over time I will show you such depth and quality in that bottomless well that is your desire and passion to explore. Submit and obey with all your BEST -- and this will become something as special and unique as you are:
belle nu ch�tie
Tonight We Meet dear -- I Will See All in Your Eyes,
It is with my deepest regret that I must inform you of my death. I enjoyed my short life of a week and I hope you enjoyed my life also.
As a learned scholar, I am sure you are always on the journey to learn more. Here are a couple of axioms you should review and think about:
Things are not always as they seem to be.
We tend to hear what we want to believe.
Patricia or patricia if you wish, only existed in your mind.(and my mind, that makes it in the minds of two old men), (the mind is such a wonderful thing). Its too bad she could not have been shared with the world. She was such a beautiful girl. She had a wonderful mind and was a quick learner and always willing to please.
Go home now, Professor, and think about patricia, think about how see looked, think about her spilling out of her lace demi bra, think about stripping her naked, think about her on her knees before you, think about her standing against the wall in her stilettos with her ass positioned just as you ordered, oh and of course, think about how delicious it would be to strike her beautiful tanned ass as hard as you could with your leather strop.
Go home now Professor and jack off one more time for Patricia.