by Tom Finkel
"MISSOURI VETS ANGRY ABOUT TALENT ATTACK ON FELLOW INJURED VET," they say, or "TALENT LETS RUMSFELD OFF THE HOOK, TROOPS AND NATIONAL SECURITY SUFFER," or "YOU DON'T CALL YOUR FRATERNITY A FRAT BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T CALL YOUR COUNTRY A CUNT."
All right, so we made up that last one.
While we're on the subject, would everyone mind shutting up about national security? Is everyone that afraid of getting blown up? If you live in Lebanon, maybe, but c'mon. Even if you were living in New York City on September 11, your odds of getting blown up were, what, one in 2,000?
Yes, if Al Qaeda or Kim Jong Il publicly announced they were planning to blow up Unreal, we'd be a little nervous. Such a scenario would justify around-the-clock cable news coverage and billions of dollars in taxpayer money.
But until that happens, please stop talking about national security, and for God's sake don't send us e-mails with subject lines in all-caps. -Unreal