Go See Cher on Tour Or You're a Dipshit

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ADAPTED PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRISTOPHER DOROBEK / FLICKR

The queen is coming! Pop icon Cher is going on tour and you are a dunderheaded nincompoop if you do not go to her show.

She’s a singer. She’s a dancer. She’s an actress. She’s a comedian. She’s an activist. She’s an entrepreneur. She’s a philanthropist. She’s a fashion trailblazer. She’s a queer icon. She’s an important part of American history. She is also un-fucking-stopable and she consistently drops the best Twitter bombs. And she’s even been repeatedly insulted by that tangerine blob in the White House, which is a badge on honor on par with the Nobel prize.

And now Cher has announced that she’s headed out on tour in support of her upcoming ABBA tribute album (!), Dancing Queen. In addition to appearing in Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, she’s been rolling out performances of these songs lately and damn. Just damn. Cher definitely still has it.

Whatever it is — that nebulous star quality that knocks you over the head and draws you in — Cher doesn't just have it. She invented it. She has so much damn it that she can’t carry it all and she just spills some everywhere she goes.



I’ve seen Madonna perform from up close and she has it. You’d hand over your life to her if she asked for it. And when I saw Dolly Parton, my seats were fabulous and it was like listening to an angel sing while snuggling with a few puppies in a warm sunbeam on a cloud while on MDMA. But the last time I saw Cher perform I was in one of the worst seats in the arena (nosebleed, off to the side, zero legroom) and it was still one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. She controlled me from, like, two city blocks away. There were 19,259 other people in that arena and I was positive that she was singing straight to me. She is magic. Legends are legends for a reason.

So go see this legend any chance you get. By the time the tour hits St. Louis, she will be seventy-MF-three years old and she will still blow you away. And if you miss it you’re doomed to hear all about how great it was from all of your friends and you’ll wish you could turn back taaaiiioooommm.

Tickets will be available through Ticketmaster. Complete tour details below:

January 17 – Ft. Myers, FL @ Germain Arena
January 19 – Fort Lauderdale, FL @ BB&T Center
January 21 – Orlando, FL @ Amway Center
January 23 – Jacksonville, FL @ Veterans Memorial Arena
January 25 – Atlanta, GA @ Infinite Energy Arena
January 27 – Raleigh, NC @ PNC Arena
January 29 – Charlotte, NC @ Spectrum Center
January 31 – Nashville, TN @ Bridgestone Arena
February 2 – Biloxi, MS @ Mississippi Coast Coliseum
February 4 – Louisville, KY @ KFC Yum! Center
February 6 – Cleveland, OH @ Quicken Loans Arena
February 8 – Chicago, IL @ United Center
February 10 – Columbus, OH @ Nationwide Arena
February 12 – Detroit, MI @ Little Caesars Arena
February 14 – Indianapolis, IN @ Bankers Life Fieldhouse
April 18 – Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena
April 20 – Philadelphia, PA @ Wells Fargo Center
April 22 – Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
April 24 – Ottawa, ON @ Richcraft Live at Canadian Tire Centre
April 26 – Buffalo, NY @ KeyBank Center
April 28 – Boston, MA @ TD Garden
April 30 – Springfield, MA @ MassMutual Center
May 2 – Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center
May 3 – Newark, NJ @ Prudential Center
May 8 – Grand Rapids, MI @ Van Andel Arena
May 10 – St. Louis, MO @ Enterprise Center
May 12 – Milwaukee, WI @ Fiserv Forum
May 14 – Omaha, NE @ CHI Health Center Omaha
May 16 – Sioux Falls, SD @ Denny Sanford Premier Center
May 18 – St. Paul, MN @ Xcel Energy Center

Email the author at jaime.lees@riverfronttimes.com
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