This man is only moments away from making a very bad decision.
In case you haven't somehow heard the news, Kendrick Lamar released an album on Friday. It's good! But you know what would have been even better? Two albums!
That's the feeling over at the subreddit devoted to the Compton-based rapper, anyway, where fans spent the weekend devoted to a somewhat plausible (if highly improbable) theory that Friday's release of DAMN., Lamar's fourth LP, would be followed Sunday by a surprise second LP release.
The theory was based on a pair of misunderstood tweets from Sounwave, one of Lamar's longtime collaborators, as well as a lot of fervent speculation regarding DAMN.'s lyrics and release schedule (the fact that DAMN. is an album with overt religious themes that was released on the Good Friday preceding Lamar's Coachella performance on Easter Sunday was the most compelling piece of evidence put forth).
Alas, it was not to be. Sunday came and went with no new album. But at least there was a consolation prize!
One Reddit user who goes by the name "CousinTyrone" announced Saturday that if no surprise album was put forth on Sunday, he would eat a vinyl copy of Lamar's Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City.
"I got faith in Kenny," the user wrote, "with a big ol' No Bamboozle Guarantee™."
The thread caught on quickly, and has since been upvoted more than 1,300 times by Reddit users eager to see the young man make good on his promise. CousinTyrone made edits to the post after it went up, displaying increasing levels of apparent concern as time went on without a new record:
edit: no album yet. I already have it on vinyl but I'm gonna buy a second in the event I have to eat it, so we'll see. Yes it will be recorded.
edit 2: I'm gonna call a doctor or something, because all these articles I'm reading about vinyl records make it sound like it's gonna be unsafe for as much as I'm gonna eat. doesn't mean I'm not gonna eat it tho, will check back later
edit 3: good pal /u/ItsManSpider called up poison control, they sounded confused but they say it won't poison you. will take this info with a grain of salt
On Sunday night, though, CousinTyrone delivered — at least halfway.
"I don't know how well this is gonna blend," he says in the video, examining a record that has been cut in half before shoving one of the two pieces in a blender in order to make a vinyl milkshake. "I'm just gonna say — we're gonna leave this. That's what we're blending. There's no way I'm fucking eating two of these. Sorry for the bamboozle."
It's OK, CousinTyrone. We're sorry that you did this to yourself — but grateful!
"Hold on, I'm getting out the huge chunks," the young man yells to an offscreen friend in the video before consuming his shake. "The ones I know are going to rip my ass apart, OK?"
Watch a man blend up and eat a vinyl record below: