Reminder: Ted Nugent Is a Festering Garbage Person


Just look at this fucking guy. - PHOTO BY MARK C. AUSTIN
  • Photo by Mark C. Austin
  • Just look at this fucking guy.

Ted Nugent is coming to River City Casino this weekend. Wango Tango, baby! You can go watch him play the guitar if you want — he's pretty good at it! He's also an endlessly burning tire fire of a human being.

Let's review the facts: In 2016 alone, the 'Nuge called for President Obama (who he once called a "subhuman mongrel") and Hillary Clinton to be hanged. During a freewheeling Facebook talk about Benghazi, he called a Hispanic man who was arguing with him a "beanochimp" and suggested that he should die. A prominent NRA member, he opined in February that gun control is a Jewish conspiracy, confusingly calling the people he thinks are behind it "Nazis."

At this time I'd like to take a break and remind you that more than 40 years ago he released "Stranglehold"! That guitar solo is bitchin'. Wow, one take!

Snap back to the present: In March ol' Uncle Ted opined on Facebook that guns are better than women, reasoning that "guns function normally every day of the month." Just six days later he shared a photo on Facebook advertising a fake moving company called "Two N*ggers and a Stolen Truck." He has a history of promoting and defending the use of N-bombs, saying he is someone who "continue[s] to use the word n*gger at one time or another." That couldn't possibly have influenced his thoughts on Philando Castile, the black motorist who was shot and killed by police in July in Minnesota after telling an officer he had a permit to carry a concealed gun. (Never mind the Second Amendment in this case; Ted doesn't think Castile had "enuf brainmatter (sic)" to avoid being shot.) 

Reminder: This is all just 2016, which is barely half over! You should really check out his full catalog sometime.

But "Cat Scratch Fever" though, amiright?? Hey, did you know that some scholars maintain that the second verse of that song seems to imply the 'Nuge lost his virginity to a cat at the age of ten? It's probably true!

He also wrote a song with these lyrics once: 

Well, I don’t care if you’re just 13

You look too good to be true

I just know that you’re probably clean...

Jailbait you look fine, fine, fine...

It’s quite alright, I asked your mama

Wait a minute, officer

Don’t put those handcuffs on me

Put them on her, and I’ll share her with you

That was just two years after he became the legal guardian of a seventeen-year-old girl so that he could have sex with her without fear of reprisal from her parents. "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang," AMIRIGHT?!?

Nugent has generated a backlash in recent weeks for, well, being a completely unapologetic piece of shit. Bud Light has pulled its sponsorship from his upcoming show in Peoria on August 6, and his upcoming performance at the Freeborn County Fair in Minnesota this Friday is besieged with detractors who promise to protest.

“The fair reflects the values of the entire county, and having Ted Nugent perform at the fair would reflect tolerance of racism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, xenophobia, ableism and incivility toward people who protest his remarks or cancel his shows,” former social studies teacher Jennifer Vogt-Erickson wrote to community leaders, as reported by the Star-Tribune.

“We don’t want to let our students of color and our girls down by being silent,” she later told the paper. “This is clearly beyond political differences. It’s about defending community standards of civility.”

Two days after the Minnesota performance, on Sunday, he'll be in St. Louis. Hey, but seriously, that "Stranglehold" solo though. Am I fucking right?

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